Last week Lisa and I traveled to the beautiful Berkshire hills in Western Massachusetts. We made a short getaway together out of an invitation to have a heart-to-heart conversation about the dangers and brokenness of pornography with a group of 200 high school kids and their leaders who had gathered for a week of summer camp. This wonderful, Christ-loving, grace-filled and evangelical Catholic camp has been running for 31 years.
The theme of this year’s camp was “Wonder.” In an email to me prior to my arrival, one of the camp’s directors, Maureen, wrote these words: “If there is anything that can destroy the wonder of what God has created for people, it’s pornography.”
My ongoing work with CPYU. . . and our Digital Kids Initiative specifically. . . continues to convince me that this horribly broken and exploitive expression of God’s good and wonderful gift of sexuality is one of the most insidious and destructive forces in both youth culture and the culture-at-large today. And once again, as I stood before this group to talk about this destroyer of God’s wonder and beauty, the faces I looked at revealed a clear knowledge of pornography’s presence, reality, and danger. I think we had a good morning together.
As I was thinking through my remarks to the students last week, I ran across a great little blog post from James Tarring Cordrey. Posted on the Covenant Eyes site, Cordrey writes from his own experience as a pornography addict. His post – Break Porn Addiction: 5 Lessons I Learned Along the Way – is worth your time. It’s also worth sharing and talking about with the kids you know and love. And maybe, it will be helpful to you as well.
Cordrey list these 5 lessons in his post. . .
1. I had been lied to. My culture, influenced by pornography, had told me all sorts of lies about how normal it was to indulge sexual lust.
2. Real change is really possible. The pattern throughout Scripture is one in which people leave behind their former way of life and cling to the hope and promise of being made new and clean in Christ.
3. But you will have to fight for it. And, freedom is worth fighting for.
4. You must engage in spiritual warfare. I have learned how to pray against the work of the Evil One and break the strongholds I have allowed him to build in my life.
5. It really is a matter of life and death. Sin brings death. God brings freedom and life.
Same-Sex Issues. . . Some Reading Suggestions. . . Part 3. . . .
Over the course of the last eighteen months and my focused reading on the same-sex issues that have been at the forefront in our culture and the church, my prayer has been that God’s Spirit would guide me into a Biblically-faithful and grace-filled understanding of these complex issues, along with a clear and growing sense of how to best respond individually and corporately. . . again, with a faithfulness to the Scriptures and a posture of grace. I’ve learned that beneath the surface of these same-sex discussions and disagreements are some even more foundational issues related to our view of Scripture, how we do exegesis, and interpretation (hermeneutics).
The oldest of these three books was written by one of my church history professors at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, Dr. Richard Lovelace. A great professor with a deep passion for Christ, people, and the church, Lovelace was active and involved in the Presbyterian Church USA, the denomination of my youth and one where I served as a youth pastor post-seminary. My dad was a pastor in this mainline denomination. Many people know that the PCUSA just voted in the last few weeks to ordain practicing homosexuals, and move that has continued to cause division and flight from the denomination. My experience was in conservative/evangelical PCUSA churches. What most people don’t realize is that back in the 1960s and 1970s there were debates raging in the PCUSA over homosexuality. Lovelace was a minority opinion member of the United Presbyterian Task Force of Homosexuality. In 1978, he wrote Homosexuality and the Church, a book that I pulled off my father’s shelf a few years ago and just read earlier this year. Now out of print but still obtainable, the book offers a well constructed look at the church’s traditional stance through history, new approaches to homosexuality, and evaluation of the theological arguments, a look at the biblical data, and some very helpful guidelines for the church as it ministers to homosexuals. I wish I had discovered this book much earlier in my ministry. It’s almost prophetic in nature. Still, it speaks clearly to us today and is one of the most helpful books I’ve read. I’ll be re-reading it again soon.
Second, there’s John Stott’s little 1998 book, Same-Sex Partnerships: A Christian Perspective. Stott is one of my go-to theological mentors who I’ve come to trust in terms of his view of Scripture, his hermeneutic, and his thoroughness. Stott effectively and concisely argues that marriage is to be between one man and one woman, while at the same time offering a clear and necessary reminder (one we all need to hear) that every kind of sexual activity and relationship that deviates from God’s order and design is displeasing to Him.
Finally, there’s a brand new book by Peter Hubbard that speaks so clearly and practically to our times. Love Into the Light: The Gospel, The Homosexual, and The Church, is a biblically-sound and pastorally-driven book that can serve as a guidebook for us as individuals and as the church. Hubbard has found that sweet spot where grace and truth come together in a way that I believe brings great honor and glory to God. Hubbard writes, “Partial truths, no matter how beautiful they sound, act as a poison to the Christian community. The freedom of grace, for example, is cancerous if it does not generate purity. And the call to holiness is malignant if it is not embedded in God’s empowering love.”
Those words from Hubbard are good and necessary words. It’s my prayer that this delicate balance between grace and truth would be struck in my life, in our youth ministry world, and in our churches.
Same-Sex Issues. . . Some Reading Suggestions. . . Part 2. . . .
Yesterday I posted a list of three books that I’ve recently read that have been most helpful in framing a Biblical response to the issue of same-sex attraction. . . a topic that’s led to much debate of late in the culture and the church. I’m a firm believer in working hard to frame God-honoring and biblically-faithful answers/approaches to these complex issues that, to be honest, we in the church have simplified, ignored, and not dealt with very well over the years.
Today, as promised, I want to mention five books that I think are worth your time. Each one has been written in the first-person by an individual who has had to come to terms with their own bent towards same-sex attraction. In fairness, I’ve worked to read widely. . . not just going to those books that end up in a place that leaves me feeling comfortable. Each of these books is about struggle. Each is written well with deep, deep passion. Each book has forced me to look more deeply at myself in an effort to come to terms with my own sin (sexual and otherwise), and to reevaluate my own approach (riddled with failure) to those who deal with same-sex attraction. If I was to put this list together in a week, I’d be sure to include a book that I just started reading yesterday, Jeff Chu’s Does Jesus Really Love Me? A Gay Christian’s Pilgrimage in Search of God in America. But since I’m only a couple of chapters in, that will have to wait until later.
Regarding the books on my list. . . I’ve sensed two distinct approaches among those writers I’m mentioning today. Some have decided to deal with their same-sex attraction by filtering and then submitting their experiences to the authority of God’s Word. Others, while professing a high view of Scripture, have clearly approached their struggle from the perspective of filtering Scripture through their experiences, and then interpreting Scripture in a manner that justifies and approves their experiences. I’m fully aware that many of you who will read this will take issue with what I’ve just said. Yes, I know that we all read Scripture through the lens of our own experiences and cultural biases. But ultimately, we need to recognize this fact and then endeavor. . . no matter how difficult and constricting we might think that endeavor might be. . . to submit our conform our future experiences and lifestyle to the authority of God’s Word. I’m afraid that this will be a point of great tension in our struggles with each other, with differing exegetical methods and hermeneutics leading us to different conclusions.
That said, here’s today’s list. . .
Wesley Hill’s Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality was the first book that I read over a year ago. Hill teaches New Testament at Trinity Episcopal School for Ministry. With a high view of Scripture and a desire to be faithful and obedient to his Lord, Hill studies the scriptures and came to the conclusion that he is called to a life of celibacy as he struggles to remain faithful to Christ in midst of his sexual brokenness. This book is exemplary in the sense that Hill offers all readers a framework for self-examination, and the submission of one’s sinful will to God’s plan for our lives, no matter what the sin is that grips us. Hill is doing the church a huge favor by exploring the role of “spiritual friendship” as an alternative to political activism and reparative therapies. His new website, spiritualfriendship.org, offers believers a new approach to homosexuality.
I followed up Wes Hill’s Washed and Waiting by reading Justin Lee’s Torn:Rescuing the Gospel from The Gay-vs.-Christians Debate. Like Hill, Justin Lee has wrestled to figure out how to come to terms with his same-sex attraction as a follower of Jesus Christ. Lee’s book is emotionally gripping, something that I picked up on right away. Rather than starting with the scriptures, Lee shares his own struggle. In fact, even though I’m a reader who has strong opinions on where a story like Lee’s should end up in terms of his conclusions, I found it tempting to root for Lee. While reading, I realized that Lee’s book will play well with younger readers who desire the church to be more affirming. Lee comes to the conclusion (through what I believe are some very sketchy exegetical and hermeneutical gymnastics) that the Scriptures allow for him to be in a monogamous, same-sex union. Lee’s interpretation (more accurately “reinterpretation” that flies in the face of historical orthodoxy) of the classical biblical passages on homosexuality is one that I’ve seen repeated over and over by writers who seek to justify same-sex monogamy. In my opinion, Torn is a very dangerous book in that its emotional tone is gripping, a fact which could easily lead readers to jettison the balance we need between truth and grace, leading to a forsaking of truth in favor of grace. To learn more about Justin Lee and his approach, you can check out the organization he founded, the Gay Christian Network.
Perhaps the most gripping, refreshing, and amazing of all the books is Rosaria Champagne Butterfield’s The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert: One English Professor’s Journey Into Christian Faith. I blogged on this book over a year ago. Butterfield was a women’s studies prof at Syracuse and a radical lesbian who was doing research on the religious right. Through a series of amazing circumstances that could have only been ordained by God, Butterfield was befriended by a pastor and his wife who simply engaged her in conversation, showed her hospitality, and became her friend. After a couple of years, Butterfield was converted and left her lesbian lifestyle. God changed her to the core and she is now a pastor’s wife and mother. Butterfield reminds us that we all have “that sin” in our lives that will grip us and that we must give up if we are to truly follow Christ. Simply stated. . . an amazing book. You can watch a compelling interview with Butterfield here.
A book that I stumbled upon but have rarely heard mentioned is Melinda Selmys’ Sexual Authenticity: An Intimate Reflection on Homosexuality and Catholicism. Selmys is a bright young Catholic woman who writes with passion in an in-your-face manner. Her life has been raw and her writing while very good, is raw as well. This book does not hold back and it is very good. Selmys has endeavored to integrate her faith into her sexuality, a task each of us should struggle and endeavor to accomplish. She knows the world is broken and she knows that we must seek shalom. Her story is compelling. Her conclusions clear. Consider this line about her quest to discover “real” sex: ” The depth of meaning expressed through conjugal love between a man and woman simply is not possible in any other scenario. The mouth is not the body’s ‘holy of holies’ – it is the organ by which you consume and digest things. The anus is the organ by which you excrete waste. On purely symbolic, archetypal grounds, oral and anal sex are a mess – and the beauty of these acts, considered objectively, is quite elusive.”
Finally, the last book I read and finished a couple of weeks ago is Matthew Vines’ recent God and the Gay Christian: The Biblical Case in Support of Same-Sex Relationships.This book is probably one of the most discouraging books I’ve read in recent years. I say this not because of Vines’ conclusions, but the route and methodology he employs to get there. Vines is a young man from an evangelical background who, it seems, set out on a mission to convince his parents and his church that being gay is ok. In the end, Vines would stand with Justin Lee, believing that a committed, monogamous same-sex relationship can be ordained and blessed by God. Like Lee, Vines tackles the long-held understanding of the classical homosexuality passages in the Bible. Vines concludes that “Christians who affirm the full authority of Scripture can also affirm committed, monogamous same-sex relationships.” While there are no doubt several aspects of Vines book that trouble me (hermeneutical, exegetical, etc.), it was the book’s beginning that really left me scratching my head. The first chapter, “A Tree and It’s Fruit,” dangerously makes Jesus’s words in Matthew 7:15-20 a kind of standard for judging truth. In other words, Vines justifies an affirming posture as a posture that bears good fruit. But can we be nice and seemingly fruitful while also in error? And, can we speak the truth while being less than kind, generous, and fruitful? I would say “yes” to both. What Vines does is emphasize grace at the expense of truth, when there needs to be a tension-filled balance between the two.
As I stated yesterday, I believe we need to read widely. We need to dialogue both with those with whom we would agree, and with those who come to different conclusions.
Have I missed any other books here?
In the last installment of this blog series, I’ll look at some books that I believe can help correct and set the course the church must take in response to the same-sex issue.
Same-Sex Issues. . . Some Reading Suggestions. . . Part 1. . . .
A few months ago a youth ministry friend asked me to blog on what I’ve been reading in response to my desire to sort out the same-sex issues that have been so prominent in culture in recent months. “I need a list of things to read,” he said. Well, that was back in February. I decided that I would pass on my suggestions over the course of the next few days. I know that some of you are still looking for some summer reading suggestions, so I hope that you will find this helpful.
Before I start passing on some titles, I thought I would offer a little bit of context to give you a sense of where I’m coming from in all of this, what it is that motivates me, and where I hope to wind up. It’s no secret that the many issues related to same-sex attraction (homosexuality, transgenderism, same-sex marriage, etc.) have taken a front seat in the public square and are unavoidable. I can’t remember any issue that’s morphed so quickly in so many places and in so many ways. I also believe that for far too long the church (of which I am a part) has done a horrible job of understanding and responding to these issues and the people for whom they are very real. I don’t think we’ve glorified God or shown much grace in our understandings and responses. I put myself in the front of that line. I’ve realized that I need to deepen my understanding of both Word and world when it comes to the issue of same-sex attraction. And, I hope that my response is one marked by a faithful and absolute love for God and neighbor. Consequently, my journey to learn is one that I pray will yield a faithfulness to the way that God intends things to be. Above all, I want my response to the world to be shaped by the Word. Then, I want to be able to have meaningful discussions with people of all ages, particularly young people, who need guidance and nurture in how to best respond in ways that bring honor and glory to God and His intent for our lives.
Since starting this journey in a more deliberate manner about 16 months ago, I’ve read all kinds of books. My starting point, however, has been where it always is when approaching any matter of life. . . with God’s revealed will in His Word. I do believe that God created the world and has a divine design that we, in our sin, have distorted. While things are not the way they are supposed to be, our calling is to understand “Shalom” (God’s intended, creational flourishing. . . the way things are supposed to be!) and seek it for our selves and our world. So today, I want to pass on three titles that have been most helpful to me in getting to the heart of God’s Shalom for our sexuality, particularly as that relates to our current cultural discussion of same-sex attraction. Here they are in no special order. . .
First, Robert Gagnon’s The Bible and Homosexual Practice: Texts and Hermeneutics is what many have come to recognize as the standard-bearer on the topic. Gagnon’s book is thick, well-researched, and exhaustive. This is one that you’ll have to work your way through. It’s not an easy read. Several of my friends read this book about the same time that I did, and all of them found it to be very helpful. Gagnon concludes that “same-sex intercourse is strongly and unequivocally rejected by the revelation of Scripture. . . . Scripture rejects homosexual behavior because it is a violation of the gendered existence of male and female ordained by God at Creation.” While many might conclude that Gagnon is horribly insensitive to those in our midst who deal with same-sex attraction, he is not. He cares deeply for the same-sex attracted. He writes, “The practicing homosexual’s own relationship with the Creator will be put in jeopardy (when they engage in same-sex intercourse). If we are to believe the Scripture, the failure of the church to help the homosexual make the transition out of homosexual practice and into sexual wholeness will make the church an accomplice to the very form of behavior that God finds detestable.”
Second, there’s Mark Yarhouse’s Homosexuality and the Christian: A Guide for Parents, Pastors, and Friends. Yarhouse and his work is gaining some traction in our youth ministry community, and this is one book that deserves your attention. I love that Yarhouse begin’s with God’s Word. His first chapter is titled “What does God think about homosexuality?” He walks readers through the flow of creation, fall, and redemption and how the unfolding flow of Biblical/redemptive history has distorted God’s sexual shalom. The book then takes readers on a practical, grace-filled journey into how to best respond as individuals and churches to those we know and love.
Finally, I am a big fan of ethicist Dennis Hollinger’s The Meaning of Sex: Christian Ethics and the Moral Life. This is a book that’s about so much more than same-sex attraction. Parents, pastors, and youth workers will find The Meaning of Sex to function as a strong foundation from which to teach, preach, and talk about sex with people of all ages.
These three books have served me well as a good starting point. Each is marked by a deep love for God and neighbor, a commitment to good Biblical exegesis and interpretation, and practical outcomes.
Tomorrow, I’ll blog on five books which have each been written by a person who has had to deal with same-sex attraction in their own lives. These are the stories and struggles that we need to read and understand if we hope to develop a deep sensitivity on this issue.
Sexuality, Cultural Change, and How We Read Scripture. . . .
Every now and then I have a day that’s marked by thought-provoking and anything-but-coincidental convergence. You know. . . you hear something, see something, read something . . . and it all seems to come together to spark thoughts on things that matter. Yesterday was one of those days.
I ventured out on a walk while thinking about today’s “Day of Silence” and what that means for our kids, our culture, and the church. I’m still processing thoughts that I blogged the other day. Specifically, I was thinking about the complex issues related to same-sex attraction and how our views on such are emerging, morphing, and changing in both the culture and the church. I was thinking about the temptation we all face to change with the times, which leads us to believe that somehow all cultural change is a mark of progression that should be celebrated and affirmed. This creates very real tensions for those of us who follow Christ.
I reminded myself of the principles of faithful and careful Biblical interpretation and exegesis that I’ve learned over the years, particularly during my time at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. We begin not by asking “What does this mean to me?”, but “What did this mean at the time it was written?”. Once we’ve done our interpretive exegetical work, then. . . and only then. . . can we work to make applications to our culture and our own personal lives.
While cultural change might tempt us to jettison those interpretive principles, we must always go back to our need to faithfully and responsibly interpret Scripture. . . with Scripture as our starting point for all matters of faith and life. While it’s becoming more and more commonplace for Christians to view and interpret Scripture through the eyes of our culture, we need to be doing the opposite as we view, interpret, and respond to culture through the eyes of Scripture.
During my walk, I stumbled upon a podcast that I had never been aware of before, thanks to my handy TuneIn Radio app. “Issues, Etc.” is a production of Lutheran Public Radio. I scrolled through some options and settled on an interview with Shane Rosenthal on “Me-Centered Bible Interpretation.” It’s worth listening to. Having talked for years about how narcissism and the postmodern ethos have combined to create a way of interpreting the Bible that is more about eisogesis than exegesis, I was thrilled to hear Rosenthal’s remarks. It wasn’t difficult at all to connect that dots between reading the Scriptures incorrectly, and how we apply an incorrect understanding of Scripture in ways that support and encourage changing moral standards when, in fact, they should be challenged.
Then, my day continued with some reading on a flight to Wichita. I finally got around to reading a Rolling Stone magazine piece on changing sexual standards. “Tales From the Millennials’ Sexual Revolution” serves as a reminder of just how much our moral standards have morphed in recent years. I found myself asking, “Will the church process and address these changing standards through the lens of Scripture? Or, will the church adjust Scripture to accommodate these changing sexual standards?”
Finally, I pulled John Stott’s Balanced Christianity out of my bag and began reading. I find in Stott a balanced wisdom and maturity that is lacking in so many corners of the church today. His teaching and writing have served to shape me and keep me anchored, especially as it relates to the relationship between faith, Scripture, and culture. The fact that this book was first penned in 1975 might put some younger folks off. After all, Stott was writing in a different time and culture. Could what he wrote then be even remotely relevant to us today? Without a doubt, yes.
I thought I would pass on some of the more provocative words from Stott’s chapter on “Conservative and Radical.” Stott defines “conservative” in this case as “people who are determined to conserve of preserve the past and are therefore resistant to change.” “Radicals” are “people who are in rebellion against what is inherited from the past and therefore are agitating for change.” Stott argues that every balanced Christian “should have a foot in both camps.”
Some random, thought-provoking words from Stott. . . .
“Every Christian should be conservative because the whole church is called by God to conserve his revelation, to ‘guard the deposit’ . . . The church’s task is not to keep inventing new gospels, new theologies, new moralities and new Christianities, but rather to be a faithful guardian of the on and only eternal Gospel. . . . The self-revelation of God is. . . . changeless in truth and authority.”
“Jesus refused to be bound by human custom; his mind and conscience were bound by God’s Word alone. Thus, Jesus was a unique combination of conservative and the radical, conservative toward Scripture and radical in his scrutiny (his biblical scrutiny) of everything else.”
“Culture changes from age to age, and from place to place. Moreover, we Christians, who say we desire to live under the authority of God’s Word, should subject our own contemporary culture to continuous biblical scrutiny. Far from resenting or resisting cultural change, we should be in the forefront of those who propose and work for its progressive modification in order to make it more truly expressive of the dignity of humanity and more pleasing to the God who created us.”
“The greater danger (at least among evangelicals) is to mistake culture for Scripture, to be too conservative and traditionalist, to be blind to those things in church and society which displease God and should therefore displease us, to dig our heels and our toes deep into the status quo and to resist firmly that most uncomfortable of all experiences, change.
Sexual Abuse Dynamics, Youth Ministry, And Discovering The Truth. . . .
A few weeks ago I was walking through the hallway at a youth ministry conference when I spotted a local church youth pastor who is a long-time friend in the distance. I greeted him with a hearty “Hey Mike! How are you doing?!?” With a deer-in-headlights expression that indicated Mike was there. . . but not there. . . he looked back at me and hestitatingly answered, “Uhhh . . . . I’m OK.”
Knowing something somewhere in his life was amiss, I asked him what was up.
Mike proceeded to tell an all-too-common-these-days story that had unfolded over the course of the few days prior to our standing thee face-to-face. A young teenage girl in his youth group had pulled back the curtain and taken the very brave, courageous, and frightening step of telling a peer that she was being sexually abused by an adult. Mike’s story intensified when he told me that the abuser was not only the father of the teenage girl, but one of Mike’s long-time youth ministry volunteer leaders. If that’s not bad enough, the abuse was perpetrated on another of the man’s teenage daughters as well. The man admitted everything.
Once again, a bomb had been carefully constructed over a long, long period of time. A perpetrator groomed and violated victims. Now, the bomb had detonated publicly and the smoke and shrapnel was covering a wounded family, a wounded youth ministry, and a wounded church. . . . and that’s just the beginning of the story and its’ damage, we can be sure.
We’re hearing and seeing this same ugly story work itself out in a variety of nuanced yet similar ways all over our culture, our churches, and our youth ministry world. It is epidemic. And, what was once kept silent (wrongly and regrettably) is now bursting out into the open, leaving all of us with the responsibility to understand sexual abuse and the common threads that are emerging in so many of the stories.
Last week, one of those dynamics took center stage when The Today Show’s Matt Lauer sat down for an interview with the wife of convicted abuser, Jerry Sandusky. What struck me most about the interview was how we want to believe the best about those we know and love. We’re all that way, aren’t we? In fact, even in spite of convincing evidence, spouses, family members, and close friends of perpetrators refuse to believe that the person could have ever or did ever do such a thing. Dottie Sandusky certainly falls into that category. In fact, there are cases where even family and friends who witness a perpetrator’s first-hand confession of guilt still refuse to accept the facts.
I was reminded of this again this morning when I read a compelling op-ed in our local paper on how perpetrators manipulate and groom not only their young victims, but their family members and friends as well. Written by Angela Trout, and advocacy coordinator at the Lancaster YWCA, the op-ed piece is titled, “Dottie Sandusky Was Also Groomed.” It’s powerful and worth five minutes of your time.
This morning I ran across and posted this thought-provoking quote from J.I. Packer: “Our business is to present the Christian faith clothed in modern terms, not to propagate modern thought clothed in Christian terms. . . . Confusion here is fatal.”
I’m sure that all of us are guilty here on something. It’s just that most of us don’t know it. . . which is, by the way, the reason we should engage in ongoing, never-ending, deep introspection of every nook and cranny of our lives. . . all conducted under the illumination of God’s Word.
I was hit by this reality again the other night while spending more time in James K.A. Smith’s Everyday Discipleship, the chapter entitled “Can Hope Be Wrong?” in particular. Smith offers up his critique of the “New Universalism” . . . the kind of universalism propagated by Rob Bell in his book Love Wins. This new brand of universalism is what Smith calls a “christocentric” or “evangelical” universalism. In other words, all human beings will be saved in Christ. Smith says that what drives this increasingly popular belief is not a close reading of the Bible’s claims about eternity, but an understanding of the nature of God that leaves people saying things like “I can’t imagine a God who would send a person to hell” and “I hope that God doesn’t send people to hell.”
Smith goes on to ask this question: “Are these hopes and imaginings sufficiently warranted to overturn the received, orthodox doctrines concerning final judgment and eternal damnation?” Then, he critiques each. When he critiques the hermeneutic of hope, he wonders if our hopes can ever be wrong. His example is personal. He loves his wife and he can’t even begin to imagine a life without being husband and wife forever. But then he reads the words of Jesus in Matthew 22:30. . . words that clearly say that at the resurrection, people will neither marry nor be given in marriage. Now, the dilemma for Smith when he asks, “Should I nonetheless hope that marriage endures in eternity? Should I profess that I can’t know this (since Scripture seems to suggest otherwise), but nonetheless claim that somehow hoping it might be true is still faithful? Or should I submit even my hopes to discipline by the authority of Scripture?”
Wow. Read that last question again. Those are powerful and timely words that apply to so much more than who gets to go to Heaven and whether or not we will be married in eternity. Smith reminds us that when “what I hope for” eclipses a more theocentric approach to these and other issues, we are in trouble. And that’s what I think J.I. Packer is driving at as well.
While I was reading all of this, I rewound to the evening about thirty-five years ago when one of my best friends sat me down to tell me that he was gay and that he was embracing his homosexuality. When he asked me for my response, a battle began to rage inside of me. I wanted more than anything else to tell him that there was nothing at all wrong with his decision, his leanings, and his embracing this kind of sexuality. I wanted to love, affirm, and accept my friend. I hoped that his same-sex behaviors wouldn’t matter. But on the other side was my need to submit my hopes (some, which if I’m honest, still hold true today on a whole plethora of issues) to someone bigger than myself. And so the battle continues between my hopes. . . driven by my belief that I might just have all of this (and everything else) figured out better than the One whose will and way I must submit myself and my hopes to. . . and my need to have those hopes disciplined.
This morning, someone connected me with an interesting visual blog entry from the folks at Covenant Eyes, an organization committed to helping us understand and deal with the personal and corporate scourge of pornography. The blog is about “10 Surprising Pornography Stats.”
If you are a parent or youth worker, I want to encourage you to not only take a minute to read and ponder these “10 Surprising Pornography Stats,” but I want you to snoop around a bit on the Covenant Eyes website as there are loads of helpful resources that I’m sure you can utilize.
Insights For Those Struggling with Same-Sex Attraction, the Same-Sex Attracted, and Faith. . . .
Yesterday I had a brief conversation with my dad about what’s been called “Christian television.” We receive about five or six of these networks through our cable service. I usually avoid them all. Over the course of our vacation I did some extended flipping around and decided to settle in on some of these networks just to see what the programming’s like these days. My overall impression was one of embarrassment. I sincerely hope that my friends who don’t share my faith don’t see me in the unpleasant light that many of these broadcasts cast so broadly.
I told my dad that one of the religious networks that I have come to appreciate more and more is EWTN, the television arm of the Catholic Church here in the United States. While I don’t share many of the core theological beliefs of Catholicism, I do appreciate their commitment to providing some very thoughtful and theologically deep programming on EWTN. I actually watch from time to time, and have especially enjoyed the show Catholicism on Campus and the shows featuring conversations with Scott Hahn.
This is a big step for me as I’ve had to overco, me some of the biases and even misunderstandings I’ve held about Catholicism for most of my life. I’ve come to appreciate the deep, evangelical faith of many of the Catholics who have tapped into our work here at CPYU. They are among the most earnest and grace-understanding people I know. We’ve had some great discussions. And, I’ve been especially thankful for many of the deep insights the Catholic Church has provided in terms of a theology of sexuality. There’s a richness there.
Earlier this morning, I finished reading another in my growing pile of books on faith and homosexuality as part of my quest to not only understand the issue, but to better be able to discern and then speak Biblical truth into this extremely sensitive and divisive issue that is boiling over not only in the culture-at-large, but in the church. This time, the book was by Melinda Selmys, an engaging, gifted, and thoughtful young Catholic writer. Melinda doesn’t write about homosexuality as an observer, pundit, or social critic. Rather, she’s been there. She’s done that. . . and a whole lot more. Her book, Sexual Authenticity: An Intimate Reflection on Homosexuality and Catholicism,reflects what happens in life when we take our attitudes, actions, habits, sins (whatever they may be) and we lay them at the foot of the cross while choosing to live out the Gospel. Selmys writes with a blunt sensibility and honesty. While I’ve never met her, I would guess that if I did I would quickly come to the conclusion that she is one of the most strong-willed human beings I know. . . a trait that led her to embrace atheism. Let’s just say that she’s very thorough and resistant in her thinking. . . something that makes her story all the more compelling.
As the debates on faith and same-sex attraction continue, I want to offer the last five paragraphs of Selmys’ book for your consideration. Hopefully, they will challenge your thinking and whet your appetite to read the 233 pages that come before. . .
“When the life of God is embraced, is lived, it transforms the rest of reality into a foretaste of heaven. The entire project of human living comes into its own, develops its meaning. The light of God shines through life as though through a photographic negative. At last, so much that seems like meaningless and chaos resolves into order, into significance. The trials and sufferings and pains of life cease to be an engine, stopped in the sky and become the chiaroscuro etchings of a portrait so beautiful it is almost impossible to believe that this is oneself, perfected – as one appeared in the beginning, in the mind of God, before all the broken chemistry of a fallen womb or the first breath of hospital-scented air.
It is for this that I gave up homosexuality. I could feel the light creeping under the doorways of my heart, and I understood that is might reveal a future without lesbianism – I understood it with all the terrible clarity of Christ looking at the cup of suffering offered to Him at Gethsemane. There were absolutely no illusions, no possibility of turning and twisting Scripture until is said what I wanted it to say. I had told God clearly what I wanted; then I said, ‘Thy will be done.’
So it was that I ended up kneeling in the chapel at Queen’s University, some three months after I had first started praying to an unknown deity, a formless ‘Thou who art.’ I started to pray as I usually did, offering up a general thanksgiving, and informal expressions of my own joy in the world that I had been invited to inhabit. It was not long before prayers from my childhood began rising up in my mind, and I voiced them, as naturally as I had then. ‘Our Father, who art in Heaven. . . ‘ The Hail Mary was new to me, but I had learned it in some quiet moment in the library, when I had first recognized the Lady in the Moon as the Virgin Mother of God. I prayed it as well. Finally, when I had exhausted all of the more innocent prayers, and sung the Christian hymns that I remembered, I realized that I desperately wanted to pray something more. There was something further, unexpressed. Almost without realizing what I was doing I began to whisper, ‘I believe in God, the Father Almighty, creator of heaven and earth. And I believe in Jesus Christ, His only Son, Our Lord. . . ‘
The creed ended in silence. And in that silence, I could feel God there, waiting. A question hovered in the air between us: ‘What are you doing?’ It was not reproachful, and I understood immediately what it meant; why was I saying that I believed these things and yet refusing to acknowledge them in my life, outside of this little space that I set aside for prayer? Why had I spoken with my lips what I had not professed in my heart? I could see, with absolute clarity, that I stood at a crossroads. That either I would reiterate that prayer of belief, and make it real, entirely, with the rest of my life, or else I would turn away and never pray again. I had asked to know God, and to know God’s will, and now I did.
I went home, dialed the phone, and said, ‘Michelle, I’m becoming a Catholic. That means that we can’t be together anymore – not as lovers.’ It was the end of a relationship that had lasted nearly seven years. It was the beginning of a life more beautiful than I could have asked for or imagined.”
Gay Marriage. . . What Hangs in the Balance? . . .
With the Supreme Court set to rule on Gay Marriage issues today, my head is spinning. Gay marriage, homosexuality, same-sex attraction. . . these are difficult, complex, and confusing issues. They are also very recent social issues, which means that we really haven’t had that much time to process and think about them. And, as the issues unfold at seemingly breakneck speed in both the culture and the lives of real people – people we know and love – we can hardly keep up. Just when you think you’re getting your head and hands around things, you once again feel like you’re having to catch up as new developments emerge.
I know that these are timely and extremely important things that matter deeply. My Christian faith dictates that I wrestle through the issues, all the while prayerfully seeking not “my will” on the matters, but “Thy will.” Things get even more confused as within the body of Christ “thy will” gets interpreted and understood in so many different ways. I’ve been reading like crazy in an effort to solidify my thinking. Still, it’s so complex and confusing.
This morning, I decided to “regroup” in anticipation of whatever news comes from the Supreme Court today. I decided to blog a few thoughts on the “this I knows” . . . conclusions that I have reached at this point. This is not exhaustive or complete in any way, shape, or form. I could – and probably should – add much more in terms of explanation. But here goes. . .
First, no matter what decision the Supreme Court makes, one thing will remain unchanged: God is in control of all of this. The Sovereign God of the Universe is still the Sovereign God of the Universe. The world is horribly broken and filled with horribly broken people and institutions. Nobody and nothing is the way it’s supposed to be. Consequently, nothing should be surprising. God is working out His divine will and plan and in that I can rest.
Second, perhaps the biggest thing at stake in this debate for followers of Christ is the way in which we choose to follow Christ. Our divisions in the church and the paths we choose to follow in our efforts to discover God’s will says much about who we are and the authority on which we choose to build our lives. For me, I want to endeavor to put all my personal opinions and biases aside as best as I can, and then humbly seek God’s will and way in His word. I want to have a responsible hermeneutic, engage in good exegesis, and seek the wisdom of the saints throughout church history. I don’t want to pigeon-hole God into my biases, opinions, and desires. I know that will always happen to some extent, but that’s no excuse for not reckoning with one’s own biases.
Third, I believe that we need to subject our own personal feelings and experiences to Scripture, rather than vice-versa. The latter practice is not only increasingly widespread, but it will destroy us. In my reading I’ve read three books by professing Christians who have had to deal personally with same-sex attraction and it’s been interesting to see how they engage with Scripture and emotions. Wesley Hill (Washed and Waiting) and Rosaria Butterfield (The Secret Thoughts of An Unlikely Convert) view their emotions and experience through the lens of Scripture and come to the conclusion that their same-sex attraction is a result of the brokenness in the world and it’s their cross to bear in faithful obedience to Christ. It is not the way it’s supposed to be. Justin Lee (Torn) views the Scripture through the lens of his emotions and experience. His story is compelling and his argument will play well in today’s world. He concludes that he is the way he’s supposed to be and he opts for a monogamous faithful relationship. We can either reconcile our lives to the Scriptures, or we can reconcile the Scriptures to our lives.
Fourth, we cannot eliminate the first three chapters of Genesis from our discussions. In fact, they are foundational. They are at the root of God’s shalom. They are at the root of the way things are supposed to be. They establish and define marriage. They are at the foundation of Christ’s understanding of marriage. The one-man one-woman order and design is what is established by God and assumed throughout the Scriptures. Go ahead and read the aforementioned books. You’ll see that the inclusion of the Genesis narratives shapes conclusions. . . as does the omission.
Finally, we need to love. We need to love God and we need to love our neighbor. I fear, however, that those who endeavor to do both responsibly and well with the purest of motivations will be labeled as “intolerant” or “homophobic.” Both of those terms are highly charged and horribly misused. A phobia is a fear. I don’t fear same-sex attraction. I don’t fear homosexuals.
Teen Sexual Activity vs. Teen Sexual Integrity. . . .
A couple of weeks ago a youth worker was talking to me about his experience reading my book Engaging The Soul of Youth Culture when he was a college student. As we talked about the parts of the book that were most helpful, he mentioned a three-word phrase that he said has stuck with him: “familiarity breeds acceptance.” He says that as a youth worker, he’s committed to knowing cultural forces that have become familiar to kids. Why? Because even those things that are wrong become normalized and accepted if they become mainstream in culture. Then, he knows what he needs to address from a biblical perspective. You see, few of us are really aware of our own worldview and how it shapes what we think and what we do. Rather, we believe that this is the way the world is and that other people see it this way as well. Familiarity does breed normalcy and acceptance.
I was thinking about how familiarity breeds acceptance as I pondered cultural changes that have occurred since George Michael took his song “I Want Your Sex” to the top of the charts 25 years ago (can you believe it’s been that long?!?). I remember talking about that song to my own youth group kids and their parents as we discussed cultural standards and biblical standards for sex. That was back in 1987. Now that those kids are parents themselves, Michael’s quarter-century-old lyrics describe the mainstream assumptions of the generation of kids those “kids” are now raising.
Take a look at the lyrics (below). The words aren’t instructive or suggestive as they once were. They’ve become familiar and accepted. Now, they are descriptive. . .
It’s natural It’s chemical (let’s do it) It’s logical Habitual (can we do it?) It’s sensual But most of all….. Sex is something that we should do Sex is something for me and you
Sex is natural – sex is good Not everybody does it But everybody should Sex is natural – sex is fun Sex is best when it’s….one on one One on one
Sadly, those last two lines might even indicate that George Michael’s sexual understanding is a bit old-fashioned in terms of present day understandings about the purpose, place, and practice of sex.
This morning I was reading a passage from Acts, chapter 2. As Peter addressed the crowd during his sermon at Pentecost, he called them to turn themselves around and embrace Christ. In verse 40 he tells them to “save yourselves from this crooked generation.” As we think about what those words mean for us today, we’re not talking about just one generation, but a crookedness and corruptness that has grabbed us all. . . weaving itself through every nook and cranny of every life. We need to identify with Jesus and his cause with every square inch and moment of our lives. This includes our sexuality. With the culture sending so many familiar sexual messages (it’s become ambient noise that’s hardly noticeable anymore) that breed acceptance, there’s another sexual script that must be taught, told, and lived. Take for example the mainstream Trojan Condom broadcast ad that I’ve posted below. What assumptions does it make about sex and sexuality? And, do you realize that those assumptions exist without question in today’s youth culture?
Here at CPYU, we want to see all people (including ourselves) embrace God’s life-giving and liberating will and way for all things. . . including our sexuality. We want to know the truth so well that those lies which have become so familiar will become clear to young and old alike.
If you’d like to know more about how to help the young people you know and love embrace God’s grand design and big “Yes!” for their sexuality, consider joining us for tomorrow’s 1-hour webinar with Jason Soucinek, the Director of our new Sexual Integrity Initiative here at CPYU. The webinar – “Raising Up Youth Who Believe in Sexual Integrity” – begins at 1pm (Eastern Time) on Tuesday, May 14. You can get more information and register here. We invite parents, youth workers, and pastors to join us.
Same-Sex Attraction and Stereotypes. . . How Do We Break Through? . . .
When it comes to the issue of homosexuality, I’ve been guilty of stereotyping. When I read Justin Lee’s Torn, and the blog post that’s gone viral this week – “An Open Letter to the Church from My Generation” – I read about a church that’s been less than gracious to homosexuals. A good portion of what was said in each assessment was dead-on accurate. so much so, that I had to stop several times to engage in some introspection and remembrances regarding my own history. I’ve realized that I have been guilty over the course of my life, perhaps not so much of being aggressive and outspoken on these matters in inflammatory or confrontational ways in public, but of at the very least being gracelessly indifferent.
At the same time, I fear that the accusations were thrown as a blanket over the entire church, or at least it sounded that way in both Lee’s book and the “Open Letter.” While I am aware of my hidden thoughts and biases, I can only go so far as to say “I know that’s a part of me and a part of the church, but it’s not all of me or all of the church.” In other words, that’s not who we desire to be, it’s not who we are all of the time, and it is in fact something that we work hard not to be as we find ourselves desiring to be conformed to the image of Christ. What I see when I look at the church is a group of people who are endeavoring to follow their Lord into this issue, to be obedient to Christ, and to glorify God through what they think and how they live on the issue and in relationship to their homosexual family members, friends, and neighbors. That’s who I want to be. Overall, I think these written assessments of our individual and collective lack of grace were somewhat lacking in grace themselves. . . even a bit stereotypical in their caricatures. . . of me and the church.
Last night I sat in on something that Justin Lee and other’s like him might find surprising. Pleasant, in fact. I went in expecting to see and hear a discussion that looked and sounded nothing like the stereotypes that many have regarding Christians and the homosexuality issue. I wasn’t disappointed, nor was I surprised. There were no hostile words. There was no Bible-thumping. There were no angry anti-gay diatribes. In fact, those who do that sort of thing were clearly reprimanded. Instead, any admonishments or directives I heard were directed not at homosexuals, but at the people in that room. That’s something that’s needed.
It was the middle and high school youth group meeting at my church. . . a very traditional and conservative church here where I live. Our youth pastor had informed me that he was starting a four-week series on same-sex attraction. I asked Troy if he would mind if I sat in. I wanted to hear what Troy had to say along with how the students were responding. It was the first of four meetings and the topic was carefully chosen to set the table for everything that will follow over the course of the next three weeks. He set the table well. Troy spoke openly and frankly, and I was very encouraged by what I heard. In very simple and straightforward terms, Troy walked us through the Scriptures to show us the following:
Christ makes us the kind of people who truly love and are true friends to those who struggle with same-sex attraction.
The church needs to be a safe place for the homosexual.
People are not problems to be solved. They are people to be loved.
Christ makes us into the kind of people who will break the stereotypes people have.
We represent Christ. . . and Christ was a friend of sinners.
What does it look like to be a friend of sinners? We need to be like Christ. . . full of grace and full of truth (John 1:14).
By showing the grace of Jesus, people will come to sense that we love them.
My sin is no different than anyone else’s sin. My sin is deep and deadly.
The only hope that any of us have is God’s amazing grace.
Grace has no room for pride.
Each of us must begin with a deep awareness of our own sin and our own need for grace.
We need to humbly come to know and embody God’s truth.
Arrogance is when we try to tailor the truth to our own preferences and biases.
As Troy stood to speak, it wasn’t just a bunch of emotionless bullet points that fell out of his mouth. There was a humble conviction and a deep passion. It was not about them. It was about us.
“Gay Christians, Born This Way, and Other Things We Need to Understand. . . “
Over the course of the last few months I’ve from time to time thought-out-loud and weighed in on the timely high-profile topic of homosexuality as it has taken center stage as an issue in our culture. I’ve had conversations with young people who have assimilated and adopted now-widely-held viewpoints and assumptions thoughtlessly, simply as a result of swimming in the soup of today’s youth culture. I’ve also had conversations with people on the polar opposite side of the issue. Because these folks tend to be older, they assume they’ve been much more thoughtful about their conclusions. Many of their viewpoints and assumptions have – in all honesty – been assimilated with an equal lack of thought as a result of swimming in the soup of today’s fundamentalist church culture. To be honest, I have to humbly confess that some of my leanings have been toward the latter.
Because we need to address this issue with conviction and clarity. . . and because we are followers of the Christ who created us with minds, we need to be thinking, praying, and discussing with greater determination, care and depth. My meager attempts to do so at the best levels I can are resulting in some blog posts. . . including today’s.
Once again, I want to make clear that I have a high view of the Scriptures that I am unwilling to compromise that foundation. I want to submit my life, thoughts, and opinions to the Lordship of the One who has revealed Himself in the Bible. I am unwilling to adjust or shift this foundation to accommodate cultural attitudes. I believe that homosexuality and same-sex attraction are not what God has intended for our sexuality. Homosexual behavior is wrong. Beyond what I believe, I also want to submit my actions and my interactions on these issues – with those who may agree or disagree with me – to those same Biblical convictions. I want to honor Christ in my doing. That’s one reason why I’m valuing the dialogue I’m having as result of thinking out loud on this blog.
Yesterday morning, I was sitting at my computer answering a question from a woman who wanted to know about the use of the term “Gay Christian.” I had used that term in the title and body of my blog on Wesley Hill’s book, Washed and Waiting.She spoke of a young teenage boy she knows who is struggling with these very same issues as a Christian. His fear, she says, is that if he would admit to others that he is gay then he would be expecting the fact that he was born to be gay, and would live the life style. I understand how that’s such an easy conclusion for a kid to come to. . . after all, Lady Gaga both maps and mirrors this cultural attitude in her song “Born This Way.” It’s a foundational naturalistic assumption. . . you were born gay, God (or whoever) made you this way, so go ahead and celebrate and indulge your homosexuality.
I encountered this type of thinking in a book I’m currently reading. It’s Rosaria Champagne Butterfield’s, The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert: An English Professor’s Journey into Christian Faith. It’s a book worth reading. Butterfield is a pastor’s wife and a woman of deep convictions and faith. Her deep convictions were formerly directed towards her outspoken defense of radical feminism as a lesbian and professor at Syracuse University. (Perhaps you’ve seen the little article on Butterfield that appeared recently in Christianity Today). In her book, Butterfield relates this encounter as she was beginning to wrestle with the Christian faith and the claims of the Gospel: “During this time of struggle, others tried to help. A Methodist pastor and Dean of the Chapel at Syracuse University believed that I did not have to give up everything to honor God. Indeed, he told me, since God made me a lesbian, I gave God honor by living an honorable lesbian life. He told me that I could have Jesus and my lesbian lover. This was a very appealing prospect. But I had been reading and rereading scripture and there are no such marks of postmodern ‘both/and’ in the Bible.”
Without diligence and a willingness to be nurtured in the faith, it’s easy for so many to default to a cultural foundation that reshapes Biblical truth to the point where it’s no longer true and no longer anything close to Biblical. It’s especially easy for our kids.
In my answer to the woman’s question I passed on these words: “Have you read Washed and Waiting by Wesley Hill? He is a young Christian who is gay and who loves Christ and the Gospel. He is choosing to live in obedience to Christ knowing full well that his homosexuality may never be miraculously lifted off. . . he says it may be something he will struggle to deal with obediently for the rest of his life. I highly recommend his book. He actually addresses the issue which you are asking about – Here’s what he writes: ‘I’ve taken care always to make ‘gay’ or ‘homosexual’ the adjective. , and never the noun, in a longer phrase, such as ‘gay Christian’ or ‘homosexual person.’ In this way, I hope to send a subtle linguistic signal that being gay isn’t the most important thing about my or any other gay person’s identity. I am a Christian before I am anything else. My homosexuality is a part of my makeup, a facet of my personality. One day, I believe, whether in this life or in the resurrection it will fade away. But my identity as a Christian – someone incorporated into Christ’s body by his Spirit – will remain.'”
As I closed out the window after sending my response, another message simultaneously came in from a trusted and respected Christian friend who has been and is thinking deeply about this issue. He says that homosexuality and the same-sex issue is “the most tender, the most complex and the most volatile conversation that we have in the years of the early 21st-century.” Wise words. . . which means that we have to foster wisdom and choose our words and the way we say them wisely.
Last evening, another trusted and respected Pastor-friend posted this comment in response to my last blog: “There is one thing that needs to be learned within the Christian community….and it is this. There is no such thing as a Gay Christian. There are Gay-identified Christians but not Gay Christians. God doesn’t create people who are gay or lesbian. That means there are no ex-gays….only people who have had same-sex attraction, identified themselves as being gay and then chose to lead more toward heterosexuality (how they were born) or celibacy. When we say someone is a Gay Christian it gives the idea that is how someone was born.”
While I appreciate that perspective and continue to weigh it, I’m wondering if a healthy biblical doctrine of sin and the fall allows for the brokenness of shalom to extend to the development of sexuality from the time of conception through development in the womb? I believe that we have to consider this seriously. There are certainly all matters of biological/physiological types of defects which occur in the womb. Could homosexual orientation/disposition be one? And, if that’s the case, could Wesley Hill’s description of his personal reality and choice of descriptive terms be legitimate? And if so, can we offer careful clarification of term “Gay Christian” in ways that clearly distinguish between usage of the term that justifies indulgence and usage of the term that recognizes human fallenness and a call to Godly flourishing? While we must recognize that many in our culture – maybe even the majority – consciously choose a homosexual identity and engagement in homosexual behavior, is it at all possible that there are some who are indeed, born this way? And if so, what does that mean for the Christian who desperately desires and prays for change, but the change never comes?
Wrestling With Homosexuality. . . Reflections From a Gay Christian. . .
Conversations, emails, interactions over past blog posts, and some very targeted reading all combined over the weekend to increase a sense of personal interest, urgency, and deep need that I didn’t imagine could intensify beyond the level it had already reached by the end of last week. I know I’m not alone in this.
The dialogue over the issue of homosexuality, same-sex attraction, and gay marriage is intensifying. Whether we know it or not, all of us already believe something on this. We come down somewhere. And whether we have consciously or unconsciously come to our conclusions, the time has arrived where we will need to address these issues with depth and integrity as we discuss them amongst ourselves, with the homosexuals we know and those we know that we don’t know that we know, with a watching culture, and with the kids we know and love. Failure to study, pray, think deeply, and discuss through these issues will be failure. . . plain and simple.
As I continue to pursue those tasks I do so knowing that I have to start somewhere. The foundation. . . the starting point for me. . . is on the will of God as revealed in the Scriptures. This is the foundation on which I’ve built my entire Christian life. It is a foundation dependent on God, not on me. It’s my desire to faithfully look at all of culture and life through the lens of Scripture, rather than looking at Scripture through the lens of my culture and life. It is my hope and prayer that I would faithfully pursue this task along with the great cloud of witnesses and community of faith – both living and dead – who have built their lives on the foundation of historical, orthodox Christianity. I humbly say these things because I’m afraid that the current cultural climate can too easily steer the ship of our faith in directions that are not faithful to that foundation. Instead of conforming our lives to God’s will and way, we too easily conform God’s will and way to our lives. I want to know what to believe and how to live to the glory of God. I can’t jettison this foundation and these commitments because it’s culturally convenient. I can’t.
And so I continued in my quest to read about homosexuality and the Christian. I devoured a short yet profound book by Wesley Hill, Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality. Wes Hill is a young thirty-something scholar who is passionate about his faith. . . the historical and orthodox Christian faith. Wes Hill thinks deeply and with theological intentionality. He is passionate about the foundation, even though that foundation doesn’t mesh with cultural norms regarding how to best live out what he feels every minute of every day. You see, Wes Hill is also gay, a reality that he describes as “a steady, strong, unremitting, exclusive sexual attraction to persons of the same sex.” As he has struggled with the sexual realities of his life, he has also struggled to live faithfully as a follower of Jesus Christ. And that’s what’s so refreshing about Wes Hill’s story.
In Washed and Waiting, Wes Hill peels back the curtain to a world many of us have never experienced as he takes us into his battle with shame and loneliness. He unpacks what the Gospel demands of homosexual Christians. . . and how the Gospel actually enables the homosexual Christian to not act on his/her homosexual desires. It’s a book about understanding what it means to be washed by God’s son and waiting with faith for Christ to make all things. . . including one’s broken sexuality. . . new. This is a book about how, “practically, a nonpracticing but still-desiring homosexual Christian can ‘prove, live out, and celebrate’ the grace of Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit in homosexual terms.”
In many ways, this was not a book solely about the homosexual’s struggle with brokenness. It’s a book about my unique brokenness. . . sexual and otherwise. . . the sinful bents and inclinations that I struggle with. . . the crosses I bear. . . the broken parts of my life that I need to submit to the Gospel and battle with for the rest of my life as I see my life as not temporary or my own, but as a part of God’s unfolding bigger story. What I read in Washed and Waiting meshed perfectly with what I’ve been reading over the last couple of weeks in N.T. Wright’s After You Believe: Why Christian Character Matters. You see, God calls us to live virtuous lives that are marked by growth as we embrace and practice virtue. It’s a process that’s not only difficult, but that takes a lifetime.
A young man named Wes Hill spoke to me this weekend. . . with a depth of spiritual maturity that has challenged me to go deeper not only in my understanding of homosexuality, but in my own faith. After all, “the Christian’s struggle with homosexuality is unique in many ways but not completely so. The dynamics of human sinfulness and divine mercy and grace are the same for all of us, regardless of the particular temptations or weaknesses we face.” While many in our culture would hastily conclude that Wes Hill has gone against his nature to lock himself in some kind of unrealistic and out-dated moral prison, there is an amazing freedom that oozes out of his story as he has intentionally allowed himself to be swept up into God’s bigger story.
I’m liking this journey. . . and I’m interested to see where God is taking me.
Wrestling With Homosexuality. . . Reflections From a Gay Christian. . .
Conversations, emails, interactions over past blog posts, and some very targeted reading all combined over the weekend to increase a sense of personal interest, urgency, and deep need that I didn’t imagine could intensify beyond the level it had already reached by the end of last week. I know I’m not alone in this.
The dialogue over the issue of homosexuality, same-sex attraction, and gay marriage is intensifying. Whether we know it or not, all of us already believe something on this. We come down somewhere. And whether we have consciously or unconsciously come to our conclusions, the time has arrived where we will need to address these issues with depth and integrity as we discuss them amongst ourselves, with the homosexuals we know and those we know that we don’t know that we know, with a watching culture, and with the kids we know and love. Failure to study, pray, think deeply, and discuss through these issues will be failure. . . plain and simple.
As I continue to pursue those tasks I do so knowing that I have to start somewhere. The foundation. . . the starting point for me. . . is on the will of God as revealed in the Scriptures. This is the foundation on which I’ve built my entire Christian life. It is a foundation dependent on God, not on me. It’s my desire to faithfully look at all of culture and life through the lens of Scripture, rather than looking at Scripture through the lens of my culture and life. It is my hope and prayer that I would faithfully pursue this task along with the great cloud of witnesses and community of faith – both living and dead – who have built their lives on the foundation of historical, orthodox Christianity. I humbly say these things because I’m afraid that the current cultural climate can too easily steer the ship of our faith in directions that are not faithful to that foundation. Instead of conforming our lives to God’s will and way, we too easily conform God’s will and way to our lives. I want to know what to believe and how to live to the glory of God. I can’t jettison this foundation and these commitments because it’s culturally convenient. I can’t.
And so I continued in my quest to read about homosexuality and the Christian. I devoured a short yet profound book by Wesley Hill, Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality. Wes Hill is a young thirty-something scholar who is passionate about his faith. . . the historical and orthodox Christian faith. Wes Hill thinks deeply and with theological intentionality. He is passionate about the foundation, even though that foundation doesn’t mesh with cultural norms regarding how to best live out what he feels every minute of every day. You see, Wes Hill is also gay, a reality that he describes as “a steady, strong, unremitting, exclusive sexual attraction to persons of the same sex.” As he has struggled with the sexual realities of his life, he has also struggled to live faithfully as a follower of Jesus Christ. And that’s what’s so refreshing about Wes Hill’s story.
In Washed and Waiting, Wes Hill peels back the curtain to a world many of us have never experienced as he takes us into his battle with shame and loneliness. He unpacks what the Gospel demands of homosexual Christians. . . and how the Gospel actually enables the homosexual Christian to not act on his/her homosexual desires. It’s a book about understanding what it means to be washed by God’s son and waiting with faith for Christ to make all things. . . including one’s broken sexuality. . . new. This is a book about how, “practically, a nonpracticing but still-desiring homosexual Christian can ‘prove, live out, and celebrate’ the grace of Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit in homosexual terms.”
In many ways, this was not a book solely about the homosexual’s struggle with brokenness. It’s a book about my unique brokenness. . . sexual and otherwise. . . the sinful bents and inclinations that I struggle with. . . the crosses I bear. . . the broken parts of my life that I need to submit to the Gospel and battle with for the rest of my life as I see my life as not temporary or my own, but as a part of God’s unfolding bigger story. What I read in Washed and Waiting meshed perfectly with what I’ve been reading over the last couple of weeks in N.T. Wright’s After You Believe: Why Christian Character Matters. You see, God calls us to live virtuous lives that are marked by growth as we embrace and practice virtue. It’s a process that’s not only difficult, but that takes a lifetime.
A young man named Wes Hill spoke to me this weekend. . . with a depth of spiritual maturity that has challenged me to go deeper not only in my understanding of homosexuality, but in my own faith. After all, “the Christian’s struggle with homosexuality is unique in many ways but not completely so. The dynamics of human sinfulness and divine mercy and grace are the same for all of us, regardless of the particular temptations or weaknesses we face.” While many in our culture would hastily conclude that Wes Hill has gone against his nature to lock himself in some kind of unrealistic and out-dated moral prison, there is an amazing freedom that oozes out of his story as he has intentionally allowed himself to be swept up into God’s bigger story.
I’m liking this journey. . . and I’m interested to see where God is taking me.
“Get off my property. . . and get off NOW!” I remember hearing those words. . . several times. . . from the elderly gentleman (we’ll just call him “Mr. W” here) who had the unfortunate privilege of owning the house on the corner that happened to be where our elementary school bus stop stood for all those early years of my schooling. He watched us like a hawk. And every time our feet would wander off the concrete sidewalk and onto his grass, he would open the door and let us know about it. During our younger years, he was frightening. By the time we got a little bit older, our feet would trespass purposefully in an effort to get him to do what had become predictable and laughable to us.
Good old Mr. W has come to mind a few times over the last few days as the debate over same-sex marriage has been heating up. The rhetoric and mud-slinging has. . . not surprisingly. . . increased. Social media has lit up with what’s now known as the “marriage equality icon” and creative or not-so-creative mutations of that icon that have been tweaked to sarcastically and cynically get numerous other opposing agendas across. Sadly, hastily throwing around reactive words and icons is sometimes the best that we can do or even choose to do. . . and it’s not the least bit engaging, beneficial, or productive. Nor does it honor God.
Because I think that the Spring of 2013 will be remembered by history as a watershed cultural moment as it relates to marriage, faith, and a whole lot of other related issues, I’ve been very targeted in my reading, discussion, prayer, and contemplation over the issue of same-sex marriage. Not only am I working to refine and cement what it is I believe on this issue, but I’m pondering how to most constructively and Christianly (i.e. “God-honoring”) engage in thoughtful conversations with those who don’t agree with me. And, for the record, I believe that marriage has been instituted by God to be entered into by one man and one woman.
So, why would I ever say that “gay marriage is good for the church?” I say that because the current debate and wherever it ends is serving to wake us up, to sharpen us, and to get us thinking about and doing things that we need to be thinking and doing. For the record. . . again. . . I think it’s only a matter of time before gay marriage is commonplace from coast to coast. One of my concerns is that many of my Christian brothers and sisters will interpret this reality as a loss of territory. That people who support same-sex marriage will have “wandered onto our property” and that the best we should and could do is simply open the front door and fire off a series of volleys where we yell “get off my property. . . and get off NOW!” That approach. . . as we’re seeing. . . is just plain silly and non-productive. Shouldn’t we be inviting people into the joy of Kingdom-living?
The current debate is good for the church because it forces us to see that God is in control. . . not us. It reminds us that these issues are far more complex and difficult than we’ve made them out to be. It causes us to see people. . . real people. . . people just like us. . . who are dealing with difficult and complex issues in their lives. It forces us to confront our own glaring sin. It makes us. . . or at least it should make us. . . dig deep into the Scriptures to come to an understanding that will yield ongoing grace-filled conversations marked by give-and-take with people who might not see things the way we do. . . rather than one-way conversations marked by our grace-less yelling which we arrogantly expect can and should result in obedience. It will awaken us to the fact that cliches, reactive social media icons, and organized protests don’t do much more than turn off the very people we hope to influence. The current debate is good for us because it will make us face our ignorance and increase our dependence on God. As culture changes, God is in the midst of changing us. . . perhaps where it’s needed most. . . at the level of our sin of spiritual arrogance and pride.
Last night as I was laying in bed trying to sort out all that was running around in my head, I had this thought: The current debate should not be about followers of Jesus lording it over others so that they will conform to our wishes. Rather, it should lead us to a deeper life lived humbly under the Lordship of Jesus so that we will be obedient to Him. That, I think, will change the way we engage in this debate. Who knows what God will bring from all of this? I’m wondering if the primary change God is working to bring about in all this might be the deepening of His people in their knowledge of and humble commitment to and reliance on Him. Maybe we need a little refining. . . or a whole lot.
To the churches concerning homosexuals and lesbians: Many of you believe that we do not exist within your walls, your schools, your neighborhoods. You believe that we are few and easily recognized. I tell you we are many. We are your teachers, doctors, accountants, high school athletes. We are all colors, shapes, sizes. We are single, married, mothers, fathers. We are your sons, your daughters, your nieces, your nephews, your grandchildren. We are in your Sunday School classes, pews, choirs, and pulpits. You choose not to see us out of ignorance or because it might upset your congregation. We ARE your congregation. We enter your doors weekly seeking guidance and some glimmer of hope that we can change. Like you, we have invited Jesus into our hearts. Like you, we want to be all that Christ wants us to be. Like you, we pray daily for guidance. Like you, we often fail. When the word “homosexual” is mentioned in the church, we hold our breaths and sit in fear. Most often this word is followed with condemnation, laughter, hatred, or jokes. Rarely do we hear any words of hope. At least we recognize our sin. Does the church as a whole see theirs? Do you see the sin of pride, that you are better than or more acceptable to Jesus than we are? Have you been Christ-like in your relationships with us? Would you meet us at the well, or restaurant, for a cup of water, or coffee? Would you touch us even if we showed signs of leprosy, or aids? Would you call us down from our trees, as Christ did Zacchaeus, and invite yourself to be our guest? Would you allow us to sit at your table and break bread? Can you love us unconditionally and support us as Christ works in our lives, as He works in yours, to help us all to overcome? To those of you who would change the church to accept the gay community and its lifestyle: you give us no hope at all. . . Read the rest of the letter here.
Rob Bell, Homosexual Marriage, and Our Changing Times. . .
A formal discussion about sexuality was had on the campus of Yale University back on Saturday, March 2nd. It was part of Yale’s “Sex Weekend.” The conversation took place during a workshop titled “Sex: Am I Normal?” Run by “sexologist” Jill McDevitt – who owns the Feminique sex store in West Chester, Pa. – the workshop included a time for students to anonymously answer questions using cell phones regarding their sexual practices. According to reports, survey responses indicated that 52% of the students had engaged in “consensual pain” during sex, 3% had engaged in bestiality, and 9% had paid for sex.
A report on the event from Campus Reform includes this: Event director Giuliana Berry ’14 told Campus Reform in an interview on Monday that the workshop was brought to campus to teach students not to automatically judge people who may have engaged in these sorts of activities, but rather to respond with “understanding” and “compassion.” “People do engage in some of these activities that we believe only for example perverts engage in,” she said. “What the goal is is to increase compassion for people who may engage in activities that are not what you would personally consider normal.”
I’ve been mulling over this report from Campus Reform for the last two weeks. I got to really thinking about it again yesterday when I read this article in the online Christian Post:“Rob Bell Supports Same-Sex Marriage, Says He is for ‘Fidelity and Love.'” Of course, Rob Bell is no stranger to controversy. . . controversy that usually arises at about the same time he releases a new book. It seems that during an appearance at The Forum at Grace Cathedral in San Francisco he was asked if he was in favor of “marriage equality.” Bell stated that he is “for marriage. I am for fidelity. I am for love, whether it’s a man and woman, a woman and woman, a man and a man. I think the ship has sailed and I think that the church needs to to just. . . this is the world we are living in and we need to affirm people wherever they are.”
My great concern in all the discussion is that the starting point for many are emerging cultural norms (Rob Bell’s “the world we are living in”), the high court of public opinion (majority wins. . . or even more accurately, any minority option is valid and right), and an appeal to compassion. . . even Christ-like compassion. A vein that runs through all these starting points is the pursuit of personal happiness and fulfillment. . . without borders or boundaries. That’s what was at the root of Senator Rob Portman’s struggle to reconcile his Christian faith and conservative views with the homosexuality of his son, Will. Last Thursday, Portman publicly renounced his stand against same-sex marriage. On Friday, he penned these words in an op-ed piece in the Columbus Dispatch: “Ultimately, it came down to the Bible’s overarching themes of love and compassion and my belief that we are all children of God.”
The great dilemma in all of this that’s faced by people like me is this: “How can I best maintain faithfulness to God, Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior, and His revealed will in the Scriptures?” I oftentimes look to the story at the beginning of John 8 as the teachers of the law and the Pharisees stand a woman caught in adultery before Jesus. Jesus masterfully confronts the compassion-less sins of the Pharisees while simultaneously confronting the sin of the adulterous woman. Rather than saying to her “This is the world we are living in and I affirm your adultery” . . . or “love and compassion trump the wrongness of adultery,” he confronts her sin, forgives her, and implores her to “go now and leave your life of sin.” As I ponder how to best honor and remain faithful to the Lord, I’m brought face-to-face with how I view and confront sinners, while maintaining a clear understanding of the sins that I and all humanity so easily slip into and embrace. I don’t want to be or give people good reason to think that I am self-righteous. Rather, I want to humbly serve the Lord and others without compromising on truth. Sadly, the reality is that any equating of homosexual behavior and/or same-sex marriage with “sin” or “wrong” is seen as compassion-less and intolerant.
Not coincidentally (I believe), I’ve been reading through N.T. Wright’s After You Believe: Why Christian Character Matters.Wright states a compelling case for a more proper way to approach our lives as Christians here in the midst of our broken world. . . a way more proper than 1) the belief that Christianity is all about conformity to a set of rules (the Pharisees!), or 2) the more widespread contemporary error that Christianity is all about following a Jesus who “accepted people as they were, and urged them to discover their real identity, and to be true to that essence.” Wright goes on to say, “The idea of a goal, an ultimate aim, calling us to a hard road of self-denial – the idea, in other words, that Jesus of Nazareth meant what he said when he spoke of people taking up their cross to follow him! – has been quietly removed from the record, no only of secular Western life but also, extraordinarily, of a fair amount of Christian discourse.” I couldn’t help but reflect on these words from N.T. Wright as I read the reports on Rob Bell and Senator Portman.
It seems that in today’s rapidly emerging cultural climate, any effort to state any kind of opposition to same-sex sexual behavior/marriage based on Scripture leads to a default response that lumps one in with the Pharisees and position #1. It also seems that the accepted proper place for Christians to land is at position #2. But neither should be an option.
So what option should inform our thinking and acting on this and other issues? I think N.T. Wright nails it: “We urgently need to recapture the New Testament’s vision of a genuinely ‘good’ human life as a life of character formed by God’s promised future, as a life with that future-shaped character lived within the ongoing story of God’s people, and, with that, a freshly worked notion of virtue.”
God’s promised future is one of restoration. . . the restoration of the shalom lost at the fall. . . a re-ordering of things that are not the way they’re supposed to be (including in relation to our sexuality and broken sexual impulses. . . whether they be heterosexual, or homosexual, or whatever-sexual) to what they were intended to be. When we grasp that reality and look to God’s Word, we are all going to be confronted with deep discomfort over ourselves and our culture. Shouldn’t we all be for fidelity and love? Shouldn’t our first fidelity and love – even if costly – be to the revealed will of God and our Groom? I don’t say this arrogantly. . . Nor am I being nasty. . . I’m deeply concerned. . . .
And so I continue to think about that weekend at Yale. . . a university founded in 1701 by New England clergy “wherein youth may be instructed in the Arts and Sciences through the blessing of Almighty God may be fitted for Publick employment both in Church and Civil State.” The school’s motto? “Lux et Veritas” . . . “Light and Truth” . . . to this day.
Bang With Friends. . . We’ve Got an App For That! . . .
I’ve waited a few weeks to blog anything at all about this new ingredient in the soup of today’s youth culture. I wanted to see just where it was going. . . and now we now. . . at least in part. It’s a new Facebook App that appeared a few weeks ago called “Bang With Friends.” The app is self-billed as a way to “anonymously find friends who are down for the night.” Friends. . . anonymous. . . down for the night. There you have it. That’s what sex has become in these days. Pretty straightforward in today’s hook-up culture, huh?
Here’s how it works. First, you download the app. Then, you log in. What you see are pictures of your Facebook friends. When the app first launched, the faces you saw were of your opposite-sex friends. Of course, that will most likely change pretty quickly in today’s sexual climate. Under each of their photos is a button that says “Down to Bang.” Click on the buttons under the photos of the friends you’d like “to bang”. If they use the app and click on your face, you get a notification email telling you that you’ve got a match. Then, you and the other person just take it from there. Are Facebook users using “Bang with Friends?” To date, the number of people who have downloaded the app is close to a million, and it’s believed that the app is responsible for a couple hundred thousand “matches.” This week, the SXSW annual music, film, and tech festival in Austin has become a “Down to Bang” hot spot. The app launched a new landing page for SXSW attendees who want to hook up with each other. This too, is a sign of things that have not already arrived on the cultural landscape, but of the future.
No doubt, all of us who have a history of struggling with sexual pressures, temptations, and sin in our teenage and young adult lives are thankful that something like this wasn’t a part of our cultural landscape. But we do have to be concerned for our kids. . . for so, so many reasons. . . . far too many to mention here.
Still, thinking for the last couple of weeks about the advent of “Bang with Friends” has kept me pondering what happens every time a person steps out of God’s grand and glorious “YES” and design for sexuality. Recent research on the chemistry and composition of the brain shows that we are integrated and marvelously made beings who God has wired for sex. The sex that he’s wired us for is to be between one man and one woman within the context of a monogamous covenantal marriage. God made it so that a couple commits to each other in marriage, then they consummate that commitment in the glorious act of sexual intercourse. Research on the brain shows that when a couple does that, an amazing complex release of brain chemicals occurs that binds the couple together and makes them want to come back for more. In effect, God has made us to be “addicted” to each other. Sadly, the same addiction occurs every time a person engages in sex. . . either alone, with another, or with an image on a screen. . . . and it messes us up when it’s not with our spouse.
If you haven’t done so already, every one of us who are parents, youth workers, pastors, etc. should take the time to talk to the Facebook-using kids we know and love. And the conversation should start with this sentence: “I want to talk to you about ‘Bang with Friends” . . . “
Over the weekend I had the privilege of spending a day with a roomful of youth workers at the Simply Youth Ministry Conference talking about one of the most timely, urgent, and difficult youth culture topics out there. . . pornography. It was our CPYU seminar on the topic. At the end of the day, I asked my youth worker friends to act on what we had discussed during the day. Their task was to sit around their tables and come up with a list of youth ministry strategies that were framed as “do’s” and “don’ts.” While their list is not exhaustive, it’s a good one. And so, I share it here. Take it and run with it. There are some great starting points, parameters, and boundaries here. . . .
Don’t ignore the pornography issue. It’s not going to go away. It’s touching every one of your kids and their families in some way, shape, or form.
Don’t be scared of the pornography issue. None of us have all the answers than this. And, God is bigger than this issue.
Don’t chastise, berate, or belittle the kids who are struggling with pornography. You’ll only drive them away and forfeit your opportunity to lead them in the right direction.
Don’t joke around, mess around, or make light of sexuality and sexual issues. They get enough of that from the culture and peer group. Let’s be above all that.
Don’t lose hope. There’s not a kid who will benefit from a lack of hope. All of them need to know there is hope for them as they struggle with this issue.
Do compare God’s truth and big “YES” for sex with the enemy’s lies about sexuality.
Do be proactive in addressing the pornography issue rather than being reactive. Remember, it’s a matter of when not if your kids are being exposed.
Do pray. The Holy Spirit can bring change.
Do equip them to live Christianly in the world. Don’t pull them out of the culture. Rather, equip them to live in a “porn is the norm” culture.
Do have conversations with your students’ “gatekeepers.” In other words, talk about the issue with moms and dads.
Do educate and empower parents.
Do elevate women in the eyes of your students. Culture and pornography are objectifying and tearing down women. We need to lift them up and celebrate their identity in Christ.
Do have credibility with kids. Do you have an issue with pornography?
My ongoing work with CPYU. . . and our Digital Kids Initiative specifically. . . continues to convince me that this horribly broken and exploitive expression of God’s good and wonderful gift of sexuality is one of the most insidious and destructive forces in both youth culture and the culture-at-large today. And once again, as I stood before this group to talk about this destroyer of God’s wonder and beauty, the faces I looked at revealed a clear knowledge of pornography’s presence, reality, and danger. I think we had a good morning together.
