Hugh Hefner, the founder of Playboy magazine, died last month.
Based on your age, you may or may not be aware of just how significant a cultural figure the man known as “Hef” actually was. . . or perhaps I should more accurately say is. Shortly after his death last evening, his son Cooper stated that his father lived an “exceptional and impactful life as a media and cultural pioneer.” That statement is 100% correct, depending on how you would translate and understand the word “exceptional.” Cooper Hefner also tweeted that his father was a powerful advocate for “free speech, civil rights and sexual freedom.” Consequently, whether you know who Hefner is or not, if you’re a living, breathing, human being who is swimming in the soup of today’s culture and youth culture, Hefner’s ideological DNA exists within the sexual beliefs and behaviors driving our culture and ourselves.
Pornography, or more accurately “sexual immorality”, moved into the modern U.S. mainstream when Hefner published his first edition of Playboy back in 1953. Yes, sexual immorality has been around since Genesis 3:6 in terms of beliefs, desires, and behaviors. Pornography certainly not anything new. But by pulling the curtain back on societal taboos, Hefner was a leading figure in the move to rewrite moral codes. In effect, Hefner may have been the guy standing on top of the mountain, kicking the first rock which has eventually morphed into the growing landslide of the sexual revolution which continues today.
Like all things crafted by God and declared as “Good!”, our sexuality is broken. And rather than pursuing redemptive sexuality, Hefner encouraged us to indulge our sexual brokenness as “sexual freedom” without borders or boundaries.
In some ways, Hugh Hefner wrecked my life. I was born just three years after the launch of Playboy. And just 11 or 12 years into my young life, I joined several friends in taking a first-look at Hefner’s printed monthly. I will never forget it. It was the first time I had seen published pornography. In fact, like most men, the memory is seared into the fabric of my brain. And, like all human beings, my sexual brokenness has existed inside of me in ways that changed on that day just before the dawn of my teenage years.
If I’m honest with myself, it wasn’t Hugh Hefner who made me do it. It was me. And since then, I thank God that a history of sexual indiscretions in thought, word, and deed can be redeemed . . . even though the battle still rages. And, I thank God that His good gift of sexuality can be thought about, exercised, and understood in all its intended glory (by the power of the Holy Spirit) through pursuing sexual integrity to the glory of God and by the grace of God.
While reading this morning about Hefner’s death, I was reminded that several years ago, Hefner purchased the burial vault next to Marilyn Monroe’s. Why? So he could spend eternity with his magazine’s first cover girl. Another one of his crazy ideas, I know. And while we might be tempted to applaud the death of Hugh Hefner as the end to an era, there are some other ways of looking at this.
First, Hefner’s death has not brought an era to an end. The rocks of the sexual revolution landslide are still tumbling. . . picking up speed, volume, and mass.
Second, just as Hefner’s message of “sexual freedom” without borders and boundaries continues to flourish, our role is to preach the Gospel to ourselves and to our kids so that we might continually hear the message of what leads to true sexual flourishing over and above the loud, compelling, and convincing voice of culture. . . that sadly, we are apt to not even question anymore ourselves.
And third, among those of us who see and understand eternity from the perspective of the One who created, called, and redeemed us, there should be no applause over Hugh Hefner’s death. Rather, we should be grieving over his beliefs, his behaviors, and the gods of his heart. We don’t know his heart condition as his earthly story ended, but we do know that his actions and beliefs regarding end-of-life and the after-life were horribly misinformed.
I know it sounds weird, but I’ve spent time pondering Hugh Hefner this morning. . . his impact on my life, my kids, and my culture. It hasn’t been much of a direct influence since that day when I first looked at his magazine, but the influence has been strong. And, I can’t ever self-righteously forget that there, but for the grace of God, go I.
Life is way too short to not be living God’s grand and glorious design for His good gift of sex and sexuality. I’m guessing Hugh Hefner knows that now.
A version of this article appeared on CPYU’s Blog on September 28th, 2017.
Dr. Walt Mueller is the founder and president of the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding. His organization is always looking for new ways to be salt and light in the culture-at-large. Walt’s the author of eight books and is a sought-after authority on youth culture and family issues.
I just got back from a week in the mountains with my beloved children. I’m a youth pastor without any kids of my own, so when I talk about “my kids,” I mean these teens and tweens whom I love with all my heart. We had a phenomenal trip, but the more time I spend with them, the more my heart breaks as I get to peer deeper into the culture in which they dwell.
And that culture is shaped in large part by you, Internet.
When I was in high school not that long ago, girls would wear the sports jacket of the boy they adored. They would fill their notebooks with his name, and perhaps her own name followed by his last name.
But today, to catch the eye of the boy she likes, a teenage girl will just send naked pictures via Snapchat or any other myriad apps designed for just that kind of communication.
Today, in order to impress her boy, she has to strip down and reveal her body just to keep a guy interested for longer than a few minutes.
So thank you for that, Internet. Thank you for disrobing my kids just to let them feel a little bit of value or beauty. Thank you for putting into their pockets unlimited connectivity and unrestricted access to the world.
Thanks to you, I walked in on three of my 8th graders talking about sexual acts I didn’t know about until well into my college years. So thanks for spreading your wealth of information.
Thank you for stripping down and beating to a pulp any hope my kids had of holding an attention span longer than 14 seconds. They have become addicted to your apps and videos like a drug addict to his beloved heroin.
When we first arrived at the cabin, we made a rule that during group activities, discussions and meals, your phones were to be nowhere near you. That rule lasted about five minutes before my kids were pasted to their screens once again, unable to enjoy the company of the friends and leaders present with them.
And I know this is no accident, dear Internet. I have read article after article about how you rake in the profits the more time my kids and I spend on your apps. Not only do you beckon them back to your beloved apps with push notifications and unique sound effects, you want to keep them there as long as possible. You have countless little algorithms in place to ensure that my kids will whittle away their time (aka, lives) glued to your precious screens, unable to break from their devices longer than a few minutes.
Unable to sit in silence, their minds unstimulated.
Unable to be with their closest friends in a mountain cabin for a week.
Unable to read a book (those heavy paper things) because ‘it’s too boring.’
You hide behind the cloak of connecting us with our friends, when just the opposite is true. You don’t want to connect us; you want our time. Because the more time we spend on your slice of the web, the more money you make.
Dear Internet, you are heartless and cold; a vacuum cleaner sucking in not only our time but our money as well. You don’t see humans or feel warmth, you only see dollar signs and addictive triggers in the chemicals inside our brains.
My kids are less healthy because you have glued them to their beds and couches.
My kids are less secure in themselves because you flood them with images of far away models flaunting as much skin as Instagram will allow.
My kids are less at peace because you have programmed them to crave your constant stimulation and to wonder who has contacted them in the last 3 minutes.
My kids don’t see their bodies as things of value; they see them as a means to some kind of cheap digital affection.
My kids are more exposed, not only to sexual and pornographic content, but violent and gory images as well. One of my students is addicted to looking at snuff films and pictures of humans who had died brutal deaths. Did he wake up one day and decide to look at these? Or were they served to him on one of your popular websites?
You may have done a lot of good for the world, but most of what I see is destructive and uninhibited. You don’t care about the souls of my kids, you care about dollar bills. Perhaps if you were only aware of just how much damage I’ve seen you do in the lives of my students, you’d at least try to make an effort to improve things.
Please leave my kids alone and stop berating them with your addictive tactics and ruthless dopamine stimulation. I love them more than you ever will, so the least you could do is make an effort to change.
…or just go die.
Angrily,
e
A version of this article appeared on Ethan’s Blog on July 15th, 2017.
I’m Ethan & I love Jesus as much as my little heart allows. I’m an artist, traveler, and the Lord often speaks to me in poems. I’m a personal trainer, youth pastor and photographer. I graduated from Moody and now live in Colorado. Come check out my blog at www.ethanrenoe.com.
“I want to talk about pornography.” That’s what the 15-year-old boy said to me after hearing me talk at his Christian school on “God and Sex.” Sadly, he wasn’t a curious young dabbler looking for someone to help him understand whether pornography was right or wrong. Instead, he was already spending time every day looking at online pornography while masturbating regularly. He was already a pornography addict. He’s not alone. A growing number of our students are either hooked on pornography or on the path to living future lives dominated and destroyed by pornography’s sick and twisted distortion of God’s good gift of sexuality. Should we be surprised?
The United States Department of Justice recognized the prevalence and life-shaping potential of pornography when they issued this statement: “Never before in the history of telecommunications media in the United States has so much indecent (and obscene) material been so easily accessible by so many minors in so many American homes with so few restrictions.” Oh. . . by the way. . . that statement was released back in 1996. . . more than 10 years before the advent of the smartphone! Since then, the “pandemic” of porn has spread like wildfire.
It is estimated that anywhere between 12 and 37 percent of all Internet web pages contain pornography. And with the average age of first exposure to Internet pornography being 11-years-old (again. . . an outdated statistic that’s over 10 years old), our youth, children’s and parent ministries must recognize, understand, and address the issue with urgency, knowledge, and depth.
The rapid rise in pornography’s popularity has been facilitated by a perfect storm of factors. At its root is the fact that we have been created for sex and wired for intimacy. God made us as sexual beings with deep sexual desires. . . and said it was “good.” But with the advent of sin into God’s “good” world, nothing remains the way it was supposed to be, including our sexuality. Sex “becomes distorted” – as Dennis Hollinger writes in his book The Meaning of Sex – “in its longings, directions, misdirected end, and idolatrous impetus.” No surprise, our fallen sexuality yearns for, creates and consumes pornography. Pornography, in turn, is a “gasoline” that fuels our fallen sexual fire.
Experts also cite the “three A’s” as contributing to the problem. First, pornography is accessible. Fifty years ago, pornography started its trek into the mainstream with Playboy magazine. As of 1973 there were fewer than 1000 adult theaters across the country. Eventually, home video technology created a gateway for pornographic film to enter the privacy of one’s home. Now, technology provides 24/7 access to pornography regardless of who you are or where you are. Google the term “xxx” and over a billion and a half results appear. A seemingly limitless ever-expanding supply has created a world where even if your kids don’t go looking for pornography, it will find them.
Second, pornography is anonymous. All you have to do is sit alone at home or focus your gaze on your hand-held device. There’s no need to go into a quick-mart to interact publicly with a clerk. The stumbling-blocks of embarrassment and age-restriction are relics of the past. In today’s world, nobody sees you, and you can even hide your identity on online. Even those who have a clear sense of right and wrong can sit alone and indulge. Sadly, the anonymous nature of pornography won’t even matter in future years as pornography becomes more culturally acceptable and normalized. There will be no need to hide.
Third, pornography is affordable. Internet pornography doesn’t have to cost you a penny. Surveys show that 80 to 90 percent of those who access pornography online only access the free online material. It couldn’t make it any easier. . . especially for a kid.
I was a curious and inquisitive 12-year-old boy when I was first exposed to pornography. Like most other men my age, that watershed moment from my childhood was so powerful that the memory is still ingrained in my brain. I remember where I was, who I was with, what was said, and what I saw. I’m not at all proud about it. I shudder to think who I would grow up to be if I was a 12-year-old boy living in today’s porn-infested world. I fear for our kids, both boys and girls. What kind of men, women, husbands, wives, fathers, and mothers will they become after spending their formative childhood and teenage years in a world where encountering pornography is no longer a possible if, but an inevitable when?
Parents and youth workers have a window of opportunity and an even greater responsibility to address the pornography issue with kids. Here are three initial elements that must be present as you address pornography in your family or youth ministry.
First, define pornography.
Not only do kids need to know what pornography is if they’re going to face it in their lives, but they need to know how ugly and broken it is so that they can develop a healthy hate for pornography. Used a variety of times in the New Testament, porneia (por-knee-a) refers to fornication, whoredom, sexual unchastity, sexual immorality, harlotry, and prostitution. “Pornography” comes from the Greek word pornagraphos, which is written descriptions or visual depictions of prostitutes. Drawing a connection between these definitions and the current worldwide scourge of sexual trafficking and victimization might serve to open their eyes to just what pornography really is. In his book Closing the Window: Steps to Living Porn Free, Tim Chester defines pornography as “anything we use for sexual titillation, gratification, or escape – whether it was intended for that purpose or not.” Another helpful definition comes from Harvest USA : “Anything the heart uses to find sexual expression outside of God’s intended design for relational intimacy. It is anything that tempts or corrupts the human heart into desiring sexual pleasure in sinful ways.” Be sure to emphasize the “anything,” as our boys are typically drawn to visual representations and our girls are typically attracted to literary pornography (think Fifty Shades of Grey). . . although these differences are leveling out as more and more girls access visual pornography.
Second, educate on pornography’s consequences.
The old saying “actions have consequences” couldn’t be more true of pornography. Disobedience to God’s sexual will and way through pornography leads to consequences that are immediate, long-term, and far-reaching. Contrary to what is rapidly becoming widely-held opinion, pornography is not harmless, benign fun. The consequences are spiritual, physical, emotional, and relational. Like all sin, pornography destroys your relationship with God. Research points to a host of other negative outcomes. It distorts your view of sex and sexuality. It shapes sexual expectations as users expect others to “make love like a porn star.” It leads to sexual dissatisfaction and intimacy issues. Pornography teaches us to view other people not as individuals made in the image of God, but as nothing more or less than sexual objects. The more you use, the more desensitized you become, leading into the downward spiral of more frequent and extreme use. Pornography fuels lust and leads people to believe that marriage is sexually confining. Pornography users tend to engage in sexual activity at earlier ages, and they grow up to see having children and a family as unattractive prospects. New research on the brain shows conclusively that pornography is highly addictive. Finally, a growing body of research is connecting pornography use to sexual addiction, sexual abuse, and sex trafficking. On the flip side, there are absolutely no benefits to the use and abuse of pornography!
Third, take steps to respond.
While there are no fool-proof and immediate strategies to protect the kids you know and love from seeing and suffering from pornography, there are steps you can take to prepare them to deal with the inevitable temptation that most – if not all – of them have alreadyfaced and indulged. As Martin Luther once advised, we might not be able to stop the birds from flying over our heads, but we can stop them from building nests in our hair.
Here’s a list of some of the steps to regularly include in your youth ministry:
Teach on positive biblical sexuality. Start with the positive. Sex is a good gift from God to be expressed/experienced within the context of a monogamous covenantal marriage between one man and one woman. God does not look down on sex!
Remind them that their sexuality is broken. . . just like everything else in the world. Their default setting is sin and it’s for that reason that they must be “soberminded and watchful” as “the devil prowls around like a roaring lion” who seeks to devour them and their sexuality (I Peter 5:8&9).
Let them know that Jesus knows what it’s like. Yes, he shares in their temptation and he is praying for them! (Hebrews 4:15).
Engage in biblically-based sex education at a young age. The reality is that by the time they arrive in your middle-school youth group much of pornography’s initial damage will have been done. Raise the awareness of parents and children’s ministry people at your church so that they can proactively educate children in age-appropriate ways.
Teach them to respond to their engagement with pornography in healthy and redemptive ways. Encourage them to talk to their parents, to seek help, to share their struggle with others who can hold them accountable, and to run to God rather than to pornography.
Process media portrayals of fallen sexuality as you encounter them together. Think with them about the skewed portrayals of sexuality that they see and hear each and every day in film, music, TV, and advertising. Challenge those portrayals that are sinful and wrong, while celebrating and affirming portrayals that reflect God’s will and way for sexuality.
Have people tell their stories. Invite those who are battling pornography addictions to share their stories along with how they are making it through with God’s help. Have them answer these questions: “What made you give in?”, “How has pornography affected you?”, “How has pornography affected your relationships?”, and “How have you learned to effectively deal with pornography now?”
Provide redemptive and recovery resources. There will come a day when you will have to act. . . and quickly. Have a referral list of competent Christian counselors and other referrals at your fingertips. Know where the recovery and support groups meet. Provide a list of mentors who have not only been through it themselves, but can guide students to redemption and hope in Christ.
The reality is that we might not want to talk about pornography, but we must. And whether they know it or not, our students want to talk about pornography too. They might not think so now, but they will wish they had done so if they get caught in pornography’s addictive grip. We have a small window in which to get talking. Culture is shifting quickly in ways that are moving pornography from something once seen as a vice, to something seen as a matter of personal choice. . . or even a virtue.
What steps are you taking to guide your students through the spiritual, emotional, physical, and relational minefield of pornography?
Have you heard? Pornography is now being considered a public health crisis in three states with several more considering this option. South Dakota, Utah, and Virginia are among a growing number of states whose lawmakers who are saying that children are being exposed to porn “at an alarming rate,” while noting that it is also “linked to a lessening desire in young persons to marry.” The measure in Virginia goes further and calls for more “education, prevention, research, and policy change at the community and societal level in order to address the pornography epidemic that is harming the people of the Commonwealth and the nation.”
Although this is great news we must understand the many realities that have lead to this moment in history. For much of the last decade organizations like Fight the The New Drug and ministries like XXX Church have spoken of the many ills of porn. However, up until recently no one really listened. Yes, sexual imagery has always been available but never to the extent it is today.
Porn is anonymous, free (or very affordable), and more accessible than ever before.
Divorce, sexual assault, depression, anxiety, a dismantling of trust between partners, and unrealistic expectations of the love partner are just some of the many results from habitually viewing pornography. These results have ended marriages and destroyed others before they even started.
I am grateful that so many are starting to realize the harm pornography brings to our society, but I worry it’s not amounting to much more than words.
Most of this legislation is nothing but gestures of kindness. It expresses a concern but no funding mandate, no programs they are making available, or offering any solutions to ending the cycle of distribution pornographers have created over the last several decades. Porn is being declared as dangerous with few actionable programs in place to battle exposure or addiction.
And the church is not in any better of a position to answer the call in addressing the issue of pornography.
In a 2016 Barna Group research study commissioned by Josh McDowell Ministry, church leadership indicated that this problem is much bigger than it was 20 years ago, yet only 7% of pastors said they have a ministry program for those struggling with porn.
Churches should be the hospitals in this health crisis, but very few have something to offer when it comes to sexual discipleship.
A few years ago we asked several lead pastors from around our region how often they addressed issues related to sex from the pulpit. On average the topics of sex, sexuality, and pornography were addressed 1-2 times every three to four years. This blew me away.
The church is struggling to offer support in this area.
Recently we hosted a lunch with over a 100 church leaders addressing this very issue with my friend, Walt Mueller. During our time together I realized that its not because church leaders don’t want to address it. Rather, they lack the tools. Seminary prepared many of these men and women for sharing scripture but not the resource or expertise to dive into the sensitive landscape we now find ourselves in when it comes to sexuality.
Let us use the momentum of states like Utah, South Dakota, and Virginia to create a measure for own congregations.
Initiating such vulnerable conversations can be a major hangup for most leaders, but by simply speaking about the impact pornography is having in your church will open up opportunities for change and healing.
Take steps to develop tools that shed light on this conversation.
The churches greatest resource is its people. Often we think we need the hottest or greatest sermon series or program to create change in our congregations. And there are some great organizations and programs that are incredibly helpful in this journey! But I’ve learned that the best thing we can provide someone struggling with pornography is a community that is willing to sit down, listen, and give direction. Every church has people that can do this!
Recognize that we sometimes need trained professionals to help us.
There is absolutely nothing wrong in seeking outside help. Because this issue has become an epidemic we need to understand there will be times a community of people will just not be enough. Fortunately there are several qualified counselors in every community to help. Don’t be afraid to admit if something is over your head.
What else do you think the state or church could do to end this public health crisis?
This morning I got up early to head south to Daytona Beach. I’m spending the next couple of days with a group of youth workers talking about significant trends in youth culture. This afternoon, I will be speaking about pornography’s growing and pervasive influence in our culture. For some reason, my mind wandered back to a day almost five years ago when I was flying and noticed what the young women in the row in front of me was reading. While sitting here during a delay, I went back to read that post. I’m sharing it here once more. . .
Today I had a long flight. I decided to dig into the stack of books that’s growing on a spot on my office floor. My summer reading/study emphasis is pornography. . . its place in our culture and what it’s doing to our lives. The pile of books has grown in the last few weeks and I’m not at all looking forward to what I’m going to be reading and what I’m going to learn. Still, it needs to be done.
As I settled into my seat I pulled out my copy of William Struthers’ Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain. I’ve been fascinated by the little bit I’ve read from this Christian Biopsychologist who teaches at Wheaton College so I’ve been yearning to learn more about the not-so-surprising connection between pornography and the things it does to men’s brains. After all, we’re integrated beings created by a Maker who has made us with amazing complexity.
At the same time that I was opening my book, a young woman who appeared to me to be in her early twenties settled down in the row in front of me. She quickly stowed her carry-on bag under her seat and then eagerly opened her book. . . . Fifty Shades of Grey. You might remember that I blogged on this blockbuster book a few posts ago.
And so I proceeded to read these words about what pornography does to the male brain:
As men fall deeper into the mental habit of fixating on these images, the exposure to them creates neural pathways. Like a path is created in the woods with each successive hiker, so do the neural paths set the course for the next time an erotic image is viewed. Over time these neural paths become wider as they are repeatedly traveled with each exposure to pornography. They become the automatic pathway through which interactions with women are routed. The neural circuitry anchors this process solidly in the brain. With each lingering stare, pornography deepens a Grand Canyon-like gorge in the brain through with images of women are destined to flow. This extends to women that they have not seen naked or engaging in sexual acts as well. All women become potential porn stars in the minds of these men. They have unknowingly created a neurological circuit that imprisons their ability to see women right as created in God’s image.
Repeated exposure to pornography creates a one-way neurological superhighway where a man’s mental life is oversexualized and narrowed. It is hemmed in on either side by a high containment walls making escape nearly impossible. this neurological superhighway has many on-ramps. The mental life is fixated on sex, but it is intended for intimacy. It is wide – able to accommodate multiple partners, images and sexual possibilities, but it is intended to be narrow – a place for God’s exclusive love to be imaged. . .
And as I read these words from William Struthers, I kept wondering to myself about what was happening in the brain of the young lady seated in front of me. . . . . and the brains of so many other young men and women.
We stumbled on this helpful infographic that’s worth passing on to parents. It’s all about some of the deeper and darker corners of the online world. No, we don’t believe that technology, social media, and the internet are inherently evil and unredeemable. But we do believe that parents and youth workers need to be diligent in their efforts to help kids use these remarkable tools in a way that brings honor and glory to God. An important element in that quest is to know how these tools can easily be misused. So, here you go:
It seems more and more often, I become increasingly aware of how we position ourselves online and offline. Or rather, how we act when we think no one is watching.
This past year, 2015, was a testament to how prominent this phenomenon is becoming. There is a plethora of headline stories reminding us we don’t know what is really happening in someone’s personal life. Everything from celebrity pitch men being caught with child pornography to prominent Christian voices being caught in the act of adultery.
It should surprise me, but it doesn’t.
Maybe the Internet has caused us to live two different lives. Maybe it has created a multiple personality disorder. While I’m not a social scientist, I do know I am seeing more and more people saying one thing online and doing an entirely different action in real life.
I work a lot with teens and young adults, so maybe this is not entirely surprising.
I fear we are only going to see more of the same trends in the years ahead.
In recent months I’ve listened to podcasts, had conversations with others, and read books on how we fail to acknowledge our whole being. Rather, we fail to bridge the gap between how we act around others and what we do in private.
Social media is changing the way we act.
Online we are able to create our own persona. In fact, we can craft an entirely new identity. Our identity is shaped by what we post and others see. This is powerful, but this does not mean it always translates into other aspects of our life.
One book that makes this clear is called Dataclysm: Who We Are (When We Think No One’s Looking) by Christian Rudder.
Rudder is the co-founder of OK Cupid and has tons of data showing this multiple personality phenomenon in action. Story after story and data structure after data structure revealed how what we say we want in our online profile might not actually match with what we want in private (or what we actually do when no one is watching).
If we are going to see change in this kind of activity I really believe we’ve got to create a more transparent and vulnerable society.
Here are three truths I believe are important to making this a reality:
Be humble and recognize your own brokenness.
Our human condition, as we read about it in scripture, speaks of our own brokenness. Genesis reveals this reality and Jesus is the solution. But this requires humility…recognizing we don’t know everything and we are all broken. Most importantly, I am broken!
Surround yourself with other transparent and vulnerable individuals.
Often times we model what we see around us. For the last decade many of us have modeled what we see others do online while watching them do something different in their daily lives. We need individuals who are transparent and vulnerable about their own struggles (both online and in person). This takes courage but it also encourages others to do the same!
Place your struggles in the light.
Our secrets only have power when they sit in the darkness. It is why light is such a powerful tool throughout Scripture; it reveals the hidden things in our lives. By placing it in the open the power that our secrets have are washed away almost immediately.
Pornhub, one of the most-visited porn sites of all time, released their Christmas commercial a couple weeks ago and all we have to say is, Thanks for nothing.
In the commercial, a happy family has gathered together to celebrate the holidays. They’re laughing and exchanging sweaters when suddenly the son realizes his grandfather is sitting alone in his chair, looking forlorn.
The young man then hands his grandfather an envelope, the two exchange a look and then tearfully and joyfully embrace before the camera pans down to reveal the contents of the envelope: a subscription to Pornhub.
Wow. Seriously, Pornhub?
Porn companies, in an effort to make money, will do almost anything (including offer college scholarships) to normalize porn.
Here’s a newsflash: Porn sucks and does incredible damage to our emotional and relational health, not to mention the way the world views and makes a commodity of sex.
Here is a more accurate representation of this commercial:
Son: “Here, Grandpa, I got you a subscription to Pornhub.”
Grandpa: (Excited) “How did you know this is what I wanted?”
Son: “I just figured that you wanted to isolate yourself from your friends, family, and Grandma while you get lost in a world of degrading and false sex thatnormalizes not only violence against and objectification of women but also willtwist your ideas about how sex and intimacy should be so that after a while youwon’t become aroused by a real person anymore but can only enjoy the fantasy you see on the screen. Merry Christmas!”
A few weeks ago Playboy announced that it would no longer show nude photos of women. Apparently nude no longer sells.
And that is a big deal. Why? Because in our sex-craved culture, nude is not enough!
I’ve heard some rejoicing for this decision and I can understand why. These voices believe Playboy disappearing means the demand for pornographic magazines is changing. In some ways they may be right, but not for the reasons we might think.
As our culture continues to be exposed to more graphic and salacious images,Playboy just doesn’t fit the script any longer. What we are now exposed to on a daily basis is the same or worse than what just a decade ago people were hiding under our beds, away from the eyes of parents. We now live in a 24/7 porn-saturated culture. Whatever your passions could possibly desire we can now find online instantly.
Playboy themselves acknowledged this fact by admitting they have been overtaken by the changes the magazine itself brought to mainstream culture. “That battle has been fought and won,” said Scott Flanders, the company’s chief executive. “You’re now one click away from every sex act imaginable for free. And so it’s just passé at this juncture.”
Sadly, he is right. They have won and are winning.
In fact, Playboy reported an increase in online readership when they choose to remove nudity from their website last August. As a result the average age ofPlayboy’s reader dropped from 47 to just over 30, and its web traffic jumped from four million users per month to 16 million per month.
I think the reason for this increase lies in our desire to reignite the imagination many have lost. Think about it: most porn today leaves little or nothing to the imagination. Today’s porn is raw, in your face, and incredibly unrealistic. Don’t believe me? Check out the multiple studies found here and here.
We are so over stimulated with pornographic images that when we are asked to use our imaginations once more, the rush and excitement feels new again.
Porn is not the same as it was. It has changed. And so must our conversations surrounding this topic.
We must be bold, in the church and outside of it, because if we don’t we are going to lose some great opportunities to bring light into the darkness of so many stories. The church, better than anyone, has the ability through the work of the Holy Spirit to spark the imagination of the human brain as it relates to sex in powerful and new ways.
But this can only happen if we are willing to talk about the difficult stories (including pornography use) that often come as we talk about our sexual brokenness. The only way someone trapped in the cycle of habitual porn watching will hear the good news of the Gospel is if we are willing to talk about this bad news in their life.
While Playboy is adapting to show less skin, we need to be more raw, open, and transparent in our conversations about pornography and sexuality. In order to heal, we need to expose our struggles in ways we might not have ever thought necessary (or possible) a few short years ago. It is only through bringing our own weaknesses to light that we fight off the darkness.
We can be the ones winning, if we only start the conversation.
The New York Times headline offers up what appears, at first, to be good news. In reality, the headline reveals just how sexually indulgent and broken we’ve become. “Playboy to Drop Nudity as Internet Fills Demand” we’re told. In other words, the hard-to-find gateway and only-available avenue into pornography that so many men my age sought out in an effort to indulge our childhood curiosity in depraved ways has more-or-less given up. The New York Times article tells us that the magazine’s executives “admit that Playboy has been overtaken by the changes it pioneered.” Playboy chief executive Scott Flanders says, “That battle has been fought and won. You’re now one click away from every sex act imaginable for free. And so it’s just passe at this juncture.”
Sounds like the sexual revolution ushered in by Hugh Hefner and his magazine is over. At least that’s what those who were at the forefront of the revolution are now telling us. Mission accomplished. And that is tragic.
Accurate statistics on pornography’s place in our culture and the lives of our kids are difficult to come by. Because of the continuing rapid proliferation of pornography through the internet, it’s all so fluid and fast-moving. Rewind to the best statistics from 2006, and we knew then that the average age of first exposure to pornography was 11-years-old. Now, nine years later, elementary-school-aged kids are walking around with smartphones that offer them 24/7 internet access. . . sometimes with little or no adult supervision. I can’t imagine what my inquisitive fourth grade self would have done with that kind of freedom. . . which leads me to wonder what fourth graders growing up in a culture of ambient hypersexuality are accessing on their smartphones.
At CPYU we’ve been working hard to understand and respond to the issue of sexual brokenness and pornography with helpful, hope-filled, biblically-based resources. This morning, I went back and looked over our “Parents’ Primer on Internet Pornography,” a free pdf download that you can access on our Digital Kids Initiative homepage. I was reminded that experts tell us that pornography addiction is fueled by three factors that are unique to our current online/digital (and now post-Playboy) age. . .
• Pornography is accessible. There are thousands of sites that can be easily accessed when one is alone in their own home. In addition, mobile devices with Internet access offer 24/7 connection to pornography.
• Pornography is anonymous. A person can access pornography privately. Nobody has to know them, and they don’t have to know the people behind the images.
• Pornography is affordable. The fact is that a large portion of Internet pornography can be accessed free of charge. Pornography that requires payment can be instantly accessed through the use of a credit card. What are the effects of pornography on children and teen
In an effort to help youth workers, parents, and others understand and respond to these realities, CPYU is offering a live online webinar, “Children, Teens, and Pornography: What You Need To Know and Do,”on Thursday, October 22 from 8pm to 9pm (Eastern time). You can learn more and register for the webinar here. We are offering the webinar in the evening so that couples and groups can sit and learn together. Youth workers, why not gather a group of parents together to view the webinar, and then spend some time discussing how to follow-up in your own homes, church, and community?
We live in a fast-changing world. It’s our hope that together we can offer Godly, Gospel-centered responses that lead our kids into a full and wonderful experience of the God-given gift of their sexuality!
Earlier this morning I arrived at our CPYU office and logged on to my computer. As I do many mornings, I checked to see what kind of traffic we had on our website yesterday. But it was today’s traffic stats that caught my eye. Listed under the tab marked “Search Engine Terms” were seven search term phrases that somehow led searchers to our site. Here are the seven terms that popped up in that screen. . .
12 years old girls sex
12 year girls any sex
12 yaer garls six video
12 year sex girl vedio
sex 12 years hot
12 girls hd sex
12 yer sex grilie video
To be honest, we’ve seen this before. . . just about every day in fact. . . but not in way that we saw this morning. Seven terms were listed. All seven were searches for child pornography. Our friends over at Covenant Eyes tell us that 1 in 5 searches on mobile devices are for pornography. On a running counter that you can see here, they tell us that as of 8:14am this morning, there have been 1,682,047, 674 searches for pornography since the start of 2015. Check out that counter now and you’ll see how the number is climbing.
If there’s any shred of goodness that could come out of what I noticed on our site this morning it’s this: the most accessed post on our CPYU website since midnight last night is a one-minute radio spot we ran back on August 4, entitled “12-Year-Old Girls and Sex.”
The good news is that if those who were searching for child pornography happened to listen to the one-minute spot, they were getting a sixty minute challenge to the truth, rather than being pulled further and further into the dark and addictive abyss of pornography. That’s a good thing.
Looking at this morning’s web traffic has served to remind me of how important it is for us to trumpet the message that viewing pornography is actually involvement in sex trafficking. We live in a culture that for this moment, at least, believes widely that trafficking human beings is dead-wrong. Many of our kids are vocal about the problem. Challenging them to see how pornography feed sexual trafficking is a way to get them to do something about it. It might also be one more deterrent in promoting sexual integrity that sees and responds to pornography for what it is. . . a horribly skewed, sad, and broken expression of God’s good and wonderful gift of our sexuality. We’ve got a wide open window to do so in today’s world, so let’s take it!
Here’s a little Parents’ Primer on Internet Pornography (a free download from our CPYU Sexual Integrity Initiative) that is helpful for anyone who wants to understand the issue and address it with kids. In addition, I’ve found this little video from the folks at Fight the New Drug to be a helpful tool we can use in our efforts to communicate this sexual trafficking message to our kids:
Ever since we launched our Digital Kids Initiative here at CPYU, we’ve been paying special attention to the issue of pornography and its influence on children, teens, and adults. Pornography is powerful, life-shaping, and extremely addictive. Our friends at Fight the New Drug put together this helpful infographic that’s worth your time and attention. And, all this week on “Youth Culture Today” we’re running a series of one-minute spots on how pornography influences, shapes, and hurts our kids. Take a look and a listen. . . (and, you can access our free download, “A Parents’ Primer On Internet Pornography”)
Over the course of the last couple of weeks I’ve had several people ask me this question: “What do think is the biggest challenge facing children and teens today?” That’s a tough question to answer. Without a doubt, today’s “biggest challenge” is nothing new. It’s a challenge shared by every human being who has drawn breath in our post-Genesis 3:6 world. It’s our brokenness and sin.
Still, the question asks about how our sin is nuanced in our culture, our times, and our lives. My answer, with little hesitation, has to be “pornography.” In an effort to help us help our kids navigate this horribly fallen expression of the good gift of our sexuality, we created a little primer on pornography that offers helpful definitions, insights, and steps to stem the tide. . . something we must do if we want to see humanity flourish in love, sex, marriage, and family. Pornography leaves an absolute mess in its wake.
Porn sites receive more regular traffic than Netflix, Amazon, & Twitter combined. (HuffPost)
35% of all internet downloads are porn-related. (WebRoot)
34% of internet users have been exposed to unwanted porn via ads, pop-ups, etc. (WebRoot)
Porn increased marital infidelity by 300%. (WebRoot)
30% of all data transferred across the internet is porn-related. (HuffPost)
Most common female role in porn is women in their 20’s portraying teenagers. (Jon Millward. In 2013, Millward conducted the largest personal research study on the Porn Industry in the U.S. He interviewed 10,000 porn stars about various aspects of the business.)
Child porn is one of the fastest growing online businesses. (IWF)
624,000 child porn traders have been discovered online in the U.S. (Innocent Justice)
Approximately 55% of teen girls living on the streets have engaged in prostitution. (Enough.org)
Child porn is a $3 billion industry. (TopTenReviews)
And yesterday Scotty Smith’s Everyday Prayersincluded this powerful prayer for friends struggling with pornography. It’s a prayer that sadly, is timely in today’s world. . .
Jesus, my heart goes out today for friends and their spouses whose lives are being assaulted by the ravaging and enslaving grip of pornography. I know of no other power sufficient for the task but the gospel. This is why I run to you today with grave concern, but also with great hope.
O Lord of resurrection and redemption, bring your mercy and might to bear in stunning fashion. Things impossible for us are more than possible for you. You have come to set captives free and to heal the brokenhearted. Pornography is creating an over abundance of both.
Jesus, for friends somewhere in the pornography continuum of titillation to addiction, we ask you to reveal yourself in the deepest place of their hearts. We ask for the holy gift of godly sorrow, not the short-lived remorse of worldly sorrow. For your non-condemning love has great power to deliver those who cry, “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body which is subject to death?”
Lead them to that cry, Jesus. They need a lot more than embarrassment and fear, they need contrition and hope. Where pornography has desensitized our friends, re-sensitize them so they can see and feel the horror of their entrapment, and more so… much more so, the wonder of your deliverance.
For our friends who are married to someone in the talons of pornography, dear Jesus, theirs may be the greater pain and struggle. No one but you can help them with the anger, the disgust, the wound, the shame, and the mistrust that goes with this story. Help us walk with our friends who are right in the middle of this dark vortex. Show us how to validate their feelings without confirming hurt-driven conclusions. Bring patience and perspective, forbearance and faith.
Only you can rebuild the trust. Only you, Jesus, can bring a willingness to hope again. Only you can heal the places in our hearts which have suffered the greatest violation and harm. Absolutely no one understands all this like you, Jesus, and absolutely no one redeem these messes but you. So very Amen, we pray, in your great and glorious name.
For those of you who live in close proximity to our Central Pennsylvania area, I want to invite you to a day-long training seminar on Saturday, March 28 that will address the issue of pornography, along with other difficult issues facing kids. I will be sharing the teaching load with my good friend, Dr. Marv Penner, in our first “Tackling the Tough Stuff” training day. You can learn more and register here.
Common grace. . . general revelation. . . all truth is God’s truth. We talked alot about these things in theology class, didn’t we? Yes, even those who might not actively and consciously pursue a life under the way and will of God have an amazing ability to get it right. . . perhaps even more right than those of us who think we’ve got it all together.
So here’s Russell Brand. And this is good. If you find yourself waiting for a punchline, you’ll be disappointed. If you find yourself looking for truth, you’ll find it here. This is a video worth watching and talking about with kids. . .
